its you and me and the rest of the world

2009-12-04T16:47:00.000+08:00

There's an uncomfortable feelings within me and i know I'll feel co much better saying it out or in this case blogging it out on my almost dying blog. I figured it serve me good to actually shift my comfort zone to somewhere else, a place where i can vent it all out and i like the idea that this quiet place is unknown and abandoned by many.

For the past one week, i had tried so hard to explain the feelings that keep surfacing and up till today i couldn't find a logical, acceptable explanation for it. It started slowly and gradually and now overwhelming, so much so that i could no longer suppress it and control it.

I know I'm being horribly unfair and you might even say I'm selfish but you know what? i Don't really care. I've spent enough time worrying and caring about the feelings of others, consider others before myself and and the end of the day it got me no where. Never mind about gratitude, forget about being appreciated, maybe we could start somewhere along the line of resentment and hard feelings.

So i came to terms with growing up. It's not about learning from your mistake, not about picking yourself up after every fall, it is all about realising you cant change certain things no matter how hard you tried and dealing with losing when you least expect it to come.

These feeling are not new, I've encountered them previously and walked out of it. I used to hate the way it makes me feel-lousy and depressed. Now, the feelings are back. I hated it initially but then i came to terms with it. It's not so bad after you acknowledge what's within you. I guess the reason why i hated it was because i refuse to think that this is really happening but then again it wont change the fact just because you simply brush it away and simply awaits for a better tmr

The next time somebody tells me that no matter how life changes, certain things in life remains a constant, i am going to look in his/her eyes and say: Bullshit. Nothing ever remains the same. What came as a surprise was that i actually took so long to realise it.

IT has got everything to do with changes. IT seeps in and took away a large part of you life till you could see nothing else. IT comes and break down the foundation and everything else crumbles till i could see and recognise all these faces yet start to loose touch with the people holding those familiar faces.

I used to be very bothered and disturbed by the vulnerability of it all. But at times it seems that i'll be kept disturbed as long as i couldn't let go and start accepting what i had refused to see. So, i took easy on myself, give myself a chance to lead a better life by not to ask, to bother less and take whatever is thrown to be with a big fake plastic smile.

If you knew me, I'm not the kind of girl who keeps to myself, i share what's happening in my life but now, I'm learning to keep stuff to myself, starting to learn all about handling issues in my life alone instead of grabbing the chance to whine and and complain at the people around me. It may seems that i took too long to understand what life brings and what it does to change our perspective and our stand but then it's never too late to start understanding now, to start realising that there isn't anyone who is there forever.

The point of living and of being optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come. I've done my fair share of being foolish, it's about time i wake up and by then you may have realised that I'm no longer the one you think you knew, then again it probably doesn't matter one way or another.

They say relationships are vulnerable and i think they actually refers to ALL kinds of relationships.

2009-05-28T23:24:00.000+08:00

The problem with coming clean was that you thought you were cleaning the state, starting over, but it never quite work that way. You didn't erase what you'd done. As i come to realised and understand, the stain would still be there, every time i looked at you, before i remembered to hide the disappointment in my eyes.

It was a little like a scar on a polished wooden table- you would try to see the rest of the gleaming surface, but your fingers would be drawn to the pitted part, the only thing that kept it from being perfect.

She had pretended not to see all the late nights, the missed call, the disconnections, because then she'd have been forced to make a choice.

Could you really love someone who was capable of falling in love with somebody else?

I remember reading somewhere about how courage and commitments come hand in hand together. You need courage to commit and commitment give you courage.

How often do we hear people around us expressing their fears and maybe their lack of faith to enter a commitment? How often do we hear the voice in our head questioning us and probably holding us back when new commitments are to be taken?

When we re-recognize the courage in us, maybe that's when we open up new opportunities and our ability to trust and commit again.

2009-04-08T23:18:00.002+08:00

I think it's getting too emotional here and it's about time i post about something happier.

Of cos the first happy news is that my favourite boy is back :) It seems that he left not too long ago and now he's back here, it makes me feel happy, much happier in fact. I must give special thanks to the fierce competition in the airlines that causes the price of the tickets to be at their lowest.

The next happy issue.... actually there isn't anymore happy issue. Goodness, I didn't realised my life is so sad.

This weekend will be extra lonely cos both my parents plus the cousin whom i always bully will be in Msia. I will be all alone at home with the television blasting to fill the empty house. I will probably end up doing stupid things of which i have not decided. Maybe i will end up being really retarded like hogging the Internet all day long and blogging a really extremely long post. But then again, i would have nothing to blog about. Right, i cant believe i faced difficulty in doing stupid, brainless things.

Oh well, there's always four buddies to keep me accompany- namely Macroeconomics, Prices and Market, investment law and business statistic. I think i should seek satisfaction in conquering all of them and getting As, right?

oh man, i don't feel any happier. If anything, it made me sadder.

2009-04-07T22:21:00.001+08:00

Falling the first time was being silly, to fall the second time is simply being stupid. I am not planning to be stupid.

It was plain disappointment that she felt. She was trying to justify her feelings and emotions only to realised that it was simply anger, disappointment and the hard feelings of betrayal. The world that she thought was her everything, the things that she thought would be constant and unchanged seems too vulnerable. Everything that she held close to her heart, the ones that she chose priority over, grew further and more distant everyday. She should have realised, you were no longer there like you used to. The things that they stood for became part of the past. She know it would not be the same especially with another person in your life who is more impt but she just didnt realised fast enough that it will be that different.

She felt betrayed like she never felt before. People do change afterall, and its scary that they changed so fast. Friends? It's just a adjective without meaning afterall.

Hello, the hard realistic world.

2009-04-01T22:13:00.003+08:00

I am lost.

I thought i know fairly well where i am heading and what i expected. But it seems that the more i try to understand myself, the more i am lost in the sea of emotions that are of a foreign language to me. I no longer know how i feel and what i hope for anymore. I thought i was crystal clear but when things goes the way i least expected it to, i am trapped in the hole that i dug for myself.

Maybe i have just under-estimated what emotions can do to me.
Maybe i just refused to believe that you are capable of directing my feelings just like that.

It just seems so simple, just like that and i am caught off guard. Just like that, it was practically nothing and with nothing at all, you can turn my world upside down.

It doesn't even matter what i tried to convince myself, to convince myself of what- i have no idea now.

2009-03-25T23:27:00.002+08:00

I think it's a good time to stop and give myself and my poor heart a break. After tiring it and failing to protect it from being hurt, what's left of it now is just a tiny wary heart that needs more than chocolate and sweets to put it in the right state again. I am hurt, in fact, hurt would be an understatement.

Contradicting how life never goes the way you want it to. Probably the world is just meant to be unfair. Right, maybe it's just me and the way that i kept running into the worst guy ever.

"I have a phobia of guys who have hard-to-handle ex-girlfriend, especially when they cant make up their mind and keep the ex-girlfriend out of the picture" I don't understand which part of this sentence is just so hard to comprehend.

The Buddhists have a saying that a heart is meant to be broken as that is how it learns to open up. Well, my heart has been broken often enough to have blown it wide apart. It has a little fence of barbed wire around it to keep trespassers out. I think it simple had enough of people crashing in, tramping around without due care and leaving a mess behind them.

After years of trying to be strong and picking myself up time after time, all i want now is to be not strong. Why didn't you realised that i am not the least brave at all? why cant you see that i am anything but strong?

I never thought love would be perfect but i didn't imagine it would be this flawed either.

2009-03-20T01:38:00.001+08:00

I think i am under a curse.
It's call the ex gf curse.

DAMN IT. I cant believe this is happening to me. AGAIN.

2009-03-16T23:35:00.001+08:00

I am really supposed to be doing my law assignment but when i called wendy and decided to come online-appearing as offline, i saw an email from DINGZHI!!!!! This is like the most pleasant surprise and i was literally jumping up and down from excitement when i saw his name. Ya, and from that moment, i lost all interest in doing my assignment. haha, i bet wendy felt my excitement on the phone and how anxious i was to go read his mail. Awww, i miss him. He will be back this december though.

Haha, anyway, i was supposed to blog about something else today. I CAN PARK MY CAR WITHOUT THE POLES!!! haha, arent you proud of me. Although i still cant park the car straight occasionally, well at least i am inside the parking lot now. haha, so exciting. haha. And ya, i realised driving has make me more hot tempered. But hello, uncle and aunties, please stop walking in the middle of the road as if it belongs to your grandmother. Although i am still driving with the triangle, but i am still handling a car, please dont look stare straight into my eyes and then totally ignore me. I know the pedestrians always have the right but still it doesnt allow you to walk in the middle of the road.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIGGIE PIG!

i shall declare you my dearest sister even though you are a pig and i am a rabbit. haha, hope you enjoy your birthday and yes, i will bring you shopping soon.

Today is a good day:)

2009-03-06T00:06:00.002+08:00

After many sleepless nights and my constant complaint and sweaty palm, i am proud to announce that i can OFFICIALLY drive. God, i never felt so happy in a long time.

So now, i can get rid of the ugly L-plate and drive with a much nicer triangle :)))) I swear i never felt so happy for spending $50 in my lifetime, the money was well spent for the card that entitles me a lifetime right to drive.

I am in a super good mood today and nothing shall dampen it, not even investment law lecture. And i can finally get a good night rest tonight.

Thanks to all who gave me encouragement and luck and endured my endless rantings for the past week. I must have been really irritating and "nervous" seems to be the only vocab i know to describe my feeling for the past week. Thank god it's over now and i truly appreciated the support given. Thanks a million!

Oh, and i think it's super lame to get a licence but still dont know how to park without the poles. Right, so now i have to find a way to learn how to park without the poles in the shortest time possible. How come they taught you to park with the poles when there are no poles in the parking lots?

NO POLE HOW TO PARK?

2009-03-04T22:22:00.002+08:00

SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME.
I am dying from a nervous breakdown. Tomorrow might just be the biggest day of my life. Okay, i know it's just TP but still, i am nervous like hell, with butterflies everywhere on my body.

Last night when i tried to sleep, i failed terribly. The moment i shut my eyes, i visualised myself making all the possible mistakes in the circuit. And i wonderfully hit the kerb yesterday during lessons. WOW, well done.

Please hit me real hard on my head with a iron rod NOW so i can have a good rest today. Oh man, how am i supoosed to drive properly if i cant sleep tonight??? I NEED TO SLEEP, just let me have a good sleep today, damn it.

Just let me pass my tp tmr please......

ARGGGGGGG, I AM GOING TO BED NOW.

2009-02-25T23:15:00.000+08:00

If you really think about it, it's all just a vicious cycle that we chose to be in. Afterall, the way i see it, it's just another life example to show the contraction and irony in life. We craved for love, hope for it to happen, imagined the wonders it could bring and when it came, we cheered and embraced it and not long after, we are all suffering from the very same thing that we hoped for.

I once read from somewhere that love is recognising ourselves in someone else and delighting in that recognition. It probably make sense. would we be able to love someone else if we couldn't even stand the differences that we had? How would it be possible to find love in the other party whom you can't appreciate?

I don't think we can ever say whether two person are right for each other. When their opinions diverge, love suddenly isn't enough. What once been endearing were flat-out irritating and what had been irritating now was beyong bearing.

All this emotions by proxy meant i hardly knew what i felt anymore. What did i have to feel about anyway? I experience the emotion but didn't get the closure, didn't get the end result when others got their problems sorted. I ran the race but never finished and got my medal. I was constantly jumping from one race to another running every race just as hard, but never finishing it.

I think it is a matter of love, the more you love a memory, the stronger and stranger it is
-vladimir Nabokov

2009-02-19T23:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was one of those days where i highly doubt i will ever survive in one complete piece. I probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed and the day kinda went the wrong way too.

I started off feeling a complete failure for not being able to be sensible enough to pay attention in lecture, it seems like i am physically there but my mind was occupied with some other stuffs. I literally had to drag myself to tuition and my students just have to decide that it is the day to misbehave. Then for no apparent cause, i started to really freak out about my driving test in March. It was one of those bad days when i just felt that i am not capable of doing anything right. At all.

I guess part of it came from the fact that i know i have been quite laid back on my studies and disappointed that i can't be responsible enough to know that i should do consistent work. Right, so i do deserve the stress that i will be facing soon with the couple of tests and the upcoming law assignment. I ought to start doing some serious reading ( school work, not some serial killer novel, mind you) soon.

Despite the day started off horrible and i ended up with a bad headache, i would say it was a good day after i heard a HUGE, SHOCKING, HEART-STOPPING news from a close friend.

I know this is probably the millionth time i am saying this, but i am truly happy for her. I am overwhelmed with happiness for her. Despite the shock (which i have yet to recover from) i am really proud of her. There's always a part of her that i saw myself - the part where both of us are so alike when it comes to facing uncertainties especially in human relationship and the failure to have confidence in ourselves at times. Yet now, i am truly in awe and full of admiration for her. She had done something that i would never ever dream of doing. There was something in her that i couldn't recognise till i realised today that it's the courage to love, something that i probably lost along the way. Maybe under her grand influence, i might so something wild someday-like jump the bungy jump maybe? haha.

Oh well, Dear bestfriend,

You have done something that's so amazing and no matter how it goes eventually, this will stay with you all your life and a part of you that no one can take away. No matter how it turns out, you know we are proud of you. No one is sure of what the future holds but you had tried in you own little way and that's what really matters. Someday we might resent you for all the time you are spending with him instead of with us but you know we will be quite happy and willing to retreat in silence. Haha.

How often do you just thought you had a worst day and seconds later someone came along to brighten the day instantly and you changed your mind thinking that today is probably the best day ever? Not very often, that's how often.

2009-02-17T10:42:00.002+08:00

For the past one week, i have been suffering from insomnia due to the latest Jodi Picoult novel - The pact. But anyway, it's such a emo and sad story plus a little bit of thriller hence the sleepless night.

I was talking to one of my girls on the topic of courage. The conclusion made was that i am a coward with zero courage hence the inability to love. I was sitting opposite_____listening to her and i thought wow, where in the world did she pick up this amount of courage to do this? I know i will never ever be able to do it. .

So tell me, will you ever have the courage to confess to a guy? okay, probably not openly but dropping a few hints here and there? I know i dont. I mean i know, it's the 21st century and modern women should be able to fight for our happiness but still it's easier said than done. I gotta admit, maybe it's a little self esteem involve i guess.

Okay, some people might disagree and say it's better to take control then to sit around waiting for something to happen. Right, i will probably end up old and hairless but it doesnt matter cos taking control doesnt mean you have to take matter in your own hands, i am in a way taking control of my life when i recognise that this is something which i am incapable of. Recognising yourself is another way of control. Right?

Just because you didn't speak the facts out didn't erase their existence. Silence was just a quieter way to die.
I have learnt to live the way he does and that i realised made my life easier.

2009-02-08T11:18:00.000+08:00

I am so upset these days cos all my friends are leaving. First, NS robbed me of my nice guys friends then now the education system in Spore is forcing them to leave for aussie and london and some other places. I cant tell you how sad i am to see my friends leaving. Even though it's probably for the best and i know i should be happy for them, but still i cant help feeling upset.

I was shopping for a present fr Dingzhi just a few days back before i met him and it was then that i realise how much i didnt want him to go. He was the first good guy friend i ever had and i'll never forget the times we spent in Yj. He is such a nice friend and it's sad to know that he will no longer be in Spore. Oh man, i bet i'll miss him. I am already feeling so horrible over Dingzhi's departure, i wonder how would it be if one of my girls leave, i bet it will be 10 times worse.

I hope he will do well in his foundation year and get into uni Mel.

Oh man, i seriously should stop being so emo.
What will it be like when it's your turn to leave?

2009-02-02T23:17:00.000+08:00

So, happy birthday to myself.

The birthday this year is well spent by having a comfortable, peaceful dinner with my oldest friends. Actually it doesnt feel like birthday, more like any other normal day except there are people wishing you happy birthday. Anyhow, i had enjoyed today.

This is dedicated to those friends who - laugh at my retardedness/rang me back on my mobile/understood when i didnt return messages/sent me funny emails/remember i hate durians and green tea/complained that i am way too picky with my food and yet still willing to finish whatever i had left untouched/taught me to laugh again.

Millions of thanks to you guys for being there when i needed a shoulder, a listening ear and the company. I may not always be there for the usual gatherings but thank god i am not forgotten and for that i express my deepest regret and yes, i am feeling superX3 guilty.
Some people say they are lucky cos they have nice gf/bf. Some people think they are lucky cos they have a large social circle and never to be found lonely. Some feel they are lucky cos they have the best food, the best clothes, the best brand. I think i am lucky cos i meet nice friends who stays, who never fails to bring me comfort and tears of laughter, who can read my mind and complete my sentence and who love me for me.

Thanks to all who remembered my birthday and i appreciated the thoughts and well wishes. Haha, i know i am giving everyone a hard time on the issues of presents. No worries about it peeps, i will soon find something. At the most you can just accumulate till next year. haha.

I am still counting on the 22 ways to wish me happy birthday at the 22 places with my 22 presents.

Cheers to being yet another year older :)

2009-01-30T16:37:00.000+08:00

Hi all, i am blogging all the way from my hometown! My schedule everyday starts with a early lunch, next we will find our way to the gambling table and then when everyone finally finish bathing( it takes about 2 hours for the whole family to bath), we will head off for dinner and after dinner, it's once again gambling. Haha, as you can see, i lead the life of a gambler here.

CNY this year seems quite abit different cos i realised all my little cousins have grown up and there's less kids and babies for me to disturb. haha, so in the end, i picked my 'victim' from the neighbour 3 year old kid. She's like damn freaking cute. She goes jie~jie... everytime she sees us( yes, male species is endangered in our family). She's easy to handle, all she does is to ask for ling ling and mum mum. Haha, it meant ice-cream and food.

Oh ya, i remembered the reason for blogging. I AM TURING 22 IN LIKE FREAKING 3 DAYS. omg. 22 sounds even too old to be said out loud. I know of people my age already married. (what am i doing?) Oh ya, today happened to be the fifth day of the CNY and hence it's my chinese birthday! You, know what that means? I am 23 of age according to the chinese. Goodness.

Oh well, i will be back in 2 days, i miss my pillow and my bed and the freedom to use my phone anytime and anywhere. Here, i am restricted and therefore forgive me if i didnt reply your message!

Till next time!

2009-01-24T16:27:00.000+08:00

Okay, i will be off to M'sia in 3 hours time and i am in a hyper mood now. So, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to everyone in advance. Don't miss me while i am away, i will be back in exactly 8 days time!

Anyway, i received a real sweet message a minute ago. Awwww. It's from a former student whom i taught last year for PSLE.
" Happy Chinese New Year teacher. I will never forget you for improving my subjects. Thank you for being patient especially in my maths. Thanks a lot, Enjoy your lovely day."

okay, so the last sentence sounds weird but then again that's not the point. I remembered being very strict with her and literally forced her to do like 20 problem sums a week hoping she will at least pass her section C and stop getting single digit marks for it. I am so proud of her when she achieved the goal we set and got a B for her maths.

After spending just one CNY in Singapore, i vow to never repeat my mistakes again. Although i have my paternal relatives here as well as friends, it cant be compared to Msia. Our family usually return two days earlier before CNY for reunion dinner and it's not unusual for the kid to skip school a few days after CNY cos without fail, we will self-extend the holiday. Haha, as such it became a habit for me to send wishes to my friend before i set off and this year, i decided to clear the overflowing messages in my inbox and clearly regretted it.

I was looking at my inbox and i came across this particular message by a particular person and i cant believe i did not delete it. I used to think the person who sent it was so sweet, now looking at the message, i cant believe how he could have sent it and meant another thing at the same time. Then two years back, i remembered i was stuck here in Singapore due to preparation for A-levels while the whole family went back. I was so upset and somehow got a tiny weeny bit of support and consolation for yet another person. I thought that period of time was a stepping stone for us to at least try to put away our differences and come together and make things work out. Again, i thought wrong.

This year, the CNY is meant to be nothing else but fun, mahjong and eating 24/7 and happily growing fat. So, despite issues that i need to ponder over, i am just going to procrastinate and leave it till i am back. I need the space and time to do whatever that make me happy, the thinking part will just have to wait.

Oh man, how come all my entries have to end up sounding so emo? It wasn't meant to be like that and i am totally not feeling emo.

Just being random, last week during one of my lecture, the lecturer was telling us how company in Australia use price competition to increase market share. One example quoted was that you can actually get a HONDA CIVIC for just 22 thousand. Then a few days later, my instructor discussed car issues with me during my lessons and he commented how HONDA CIVIC is just an average car with a strong brand name.Haha, this is so random.
I cant help thinking how the CNY come just at the right time. Maybe the one week break will put us in a better position to judge.

Alright, time for me to go for my bath! HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

2009-01-18T18:12:00.001+08:00

The other day i got so demoralized and convinced that i can't drive so i went to book THREE driving lessons for this week week and end up stressing myself because now i have a real packed schedule for the entire week. In between lectures , driving lessons and tuition lessons, there seems to be a zillion thing that i need to do before i leave on Sat.

I am still pondering whether i should come back on 1st Feb with my cousin or to just stay in Msia till the second week of Feb. Basically, the time-table is hopeless.

V-day is coming faster than i want it too.

You said it best when you say nothing at all.

Yest i understood that you don't need to impress with fanciful words to touch the heart. Some things can be so simple and yet so sweet.

2009-01-11T19:35:00.004+08:00

After a much intellectual talk with SOMEONE, i realized that sometimes you gotta take a step forward to know what's gonna happen in the future. I guess it's time i stop chaining myself with whatever happened in the past for no one deserve to live in fear forever and i deserve to give myself a second chance more than anyone else. It's only after i had finally put down this burden that i realized I had exhausted myself by trying to pretend everything is fine. Tired of Having to pretend that it is better that fine. Fine would be a failure that i have to eclipse.

Every second chance begins with the first step.

Yes, i am taking a step forward and no one can guarantee that it's not going to hurt. No one can be sure that it will turn out fine this time round. But we know we can at least try to make it better in this second chance. I choose to believe that we never know what we are capable of until we arrived at that given moment. Life is just a whole string of spots where we continued to surprise ourself. After so long, it is time i free myself.

I am freeing myself because he's selfish. I am freeing myself because he is way too assuming. I am freeing myself because he probably doesn't know what it is like to truly love someone. I am freeing myself because 18 months is long enough to pay for an error of judgement.

This is also dedicated to a particular reader out there.

We had our share of misery and its unfair for us to be living in agony and continuous fear for a mistake made by the other party. I am not saying we have to jump and plunge into another relationship immediately but surely we cannot condemn guys just because of one particular asshole right? So, just take a step at a time for now okay?

Haha, this is NOT an emo entry. To prove it, let me show you my new lover boy....

Don't you think its a real beauty? I had been hinting to my friends for ages way before my birthday. HAHA. opps. I even found the perfect solution to the budget issue. Like i said, you can gather 20 people and share. hahahaha. Okay enough dreaming. I can now stare at my new lover everyday.

2009-01-01T16:50:00.001+08:00

2008 has been a cocktail year - one with many new refreshing tastes , a mixture of good and bad , choices , mistakes , lessons , growing up mixed with a touch of childish innocence. The beauty of being intoxicated by the happiness and pain , yet at the end of the day sobering up to reality and being thankful for whatever has happened , for it has brought you to where you are today.

Realising more than ever that it's time to learn from past mistakes , to prepare you for tomorrow , and hoping with all your heart that this time round , you'll do things right. I had learnt to never regret anything that made me smile.

I'm thankful for the Love(s) in my life. The very people who keep me strong when I'm weak , who are there regardless , who have been there , who I know will be there. They are the ones whom I know I won't be able to see myself without. I just want to say a big thank you , and that I love you guys very much. Thank you for everything, from the bottom of my heart.

When life is a diasppointment, a new year calls for a new change. Despite few episodes of heartbreaks probably and times when i felt i had hit the extreme bottom of sadness, i will still cherish 2008 for what it taught me.

Cheers to 2008.

2008-12-26T20:05:00.001+08:00

I CAN'T HELP IT.

I AM FEELING SUPER NERVOUS FOR TMR!

Damn, i need to keep my cool.

2008-12-25T11:09:00.001+08:00

I came to realised that among other things, trying to keep yourself occupied and busy seems to be the hardest thing. I had tried my best trying to make the best use of my rather slack, bored and lifeless December holiday. Great, my friends hard at work must be hating me.

I have listed down some of the things i had achieved so far in this boring random post for the equally bored readers...

- On a average, i go for three driving lessons a week but i still can't park my car properly and apparently i am driving way too fast even though the speed meter reads 45km/hr.

- Two of my students resumed tuition and at this time of the year, 90 minutes do not account for much of my time.

- I think i probably spend half of my day reading and i wonder if this is how it feels to be a librarian.

- I read 4 novels in a month and 2 of them are quite a disappointment. I wonder if it's because i am used to a particular author.

-Christmas countdown is a disappointment this year. The real celebration starts tonight.

- I wonder what we are counting down to actually. Santa maybe?

- I am a tinny weeny bit nervous about Saturday and i don't know why.

- I forgot what i did for last Christmas eve.

- School will be starting in exactly 11 days and i am actually genuine excited and feeling happy about it. I think i must be insane.

- I am living such a stagnant life that i ran out of things to blog about. I hope it actually helped to kill some of your time too.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL.
(I hope you had a much more exciting christmas countdown than me. Not that it will be that difficult to out do mine.)

and bye bye.

2008-12-23T11:46:00.002+08:00

I picked out a random part from a book i am currently reading to share. Lets see if you readers out there can solve it.

A woman is at the funeral of her mother. There, she meets a man she doesn't know and has never met, who she thinks is her dream partner. But because of the circumstances, she forgets to ask for his number, and she cant find him afterward. A few days later, she kills her own sister. Why?

I hope non of you will get it right hence proving you are not a psychopath. Haha.

The reason she murdered her sister was because she hoped the guy will show up at that funeral too.

Love like any accelerant would change the equation.
Add love, and a person might do something crazy.
Add love, and all the lines between right and wrong are bound to disappear.

2008-12-15T11:42:00.001+08:00

Just the other day while shopping with a fellow friend, we happened to chance upon our friend’s boyfriend out with a girl and this just had to happen when it was just a few weeks back that we heard from a third party that he seems to be having some kind of ambiguous relationship with another girl. VERY COMPLICATED I know. And it brings me back to a whole series of memories and emotions.
GOD DAMN IT.

And so I admit there was just this moment, okay maybe just two days when I got upset all over again and, start firstly by hating you for ruining my life and then somehow along the line I ended up hating myself for allowing you to ruin my life.

It's like i had forced and squeezed all emotions in a tiny box in he shortest possible time, fooling everyone that i am alright, wistfully thinking that i will stay the way i wanted it. And now, the damn box is opened by a stranger with a whole lot of memories that came rushing out and i am overwhelmed by all the feelings i had tried to hide.

I’d sometimes be physically sick because I was so unsure of where I stood, wondering if I’d been traded in for someone else. It wasn't the being traded in; it was the not knowing if I'd been traded in. Not knowing that while I went happily about my daily business, he was lying beside some other woman and making plans for their future together. Probably my greatest fear was being duped, someone getting you to trust them and then betraying the trust.

a door left open

a woman walking by

a drop in the water

a look in the eye

a phone on the table
a man on your side

someone that you think that you can trust is just

another way to die

I’d survived one affair and even though it made me grew as person and though I am older and much wiser now, I didn't want those emotions back.

Someone had asked if there was really a reason to why there can't be a second chance. Was it really because the mistake was an unforgivable one or simply because we can’t put aside our pride to allow the person to make it right? A bit of both I guess. But even so I believe the mistake itself is the primary factor.

Recently, it became much clearer to me that whoever that goes and has a fling and come back asking for a second chance saying that they realised after the mistake that you are the most important is really nothing but a whole lot of bullshit. People generally don't screw up if it really means the world to them. If it's really so very important, you will make it right the first time, not the second chance.

Something that I had gotten out of my last relationship is that the most anyone can ever promise you is the hope of staying around indefinitely, and anyone who says differently is either lying or fooling themselves. There are no guarantees, just like there’s no forever.

What you didn't understand was that what you had could never make up for what you'd lost.

2008-11-28T10:08:00.000+08:00

Just a week ago i am grumbling about my exams and how i wished i could just get it over and done with so i can have complete freedom. As it goes, the day finally came. Yes, i am done with the rather useless papers (cos it was a duplicate of this year's 2008 paper, exactly the one my friends sat for), had a weekend of fun, finally met up with old friends and got myself in a stupid/brainless scandal, slacked at home with the long dued DVDs and had a nice dinner over at city hall with nice people and hearing outrageous news.

It may sounds like i had a fulfilling week which to be fair, i did enjoy myself quite a bit but nevertheless, i am getting sick and bored. haha, contradicting huh. I have friends currently either working from 9am to 6pm five days a week or still stuck in school mugging every thursday and here i am complaining about a life which i should be appreciating.

But i guess all of you will agree that living without an aim is a rather tiring life( another contradict). Right now, i suddenly miss school life, my tuition days and the days that i am so occupied and caught up with i-dont-know-what. At least it kept me busy and make time pass faster. At this moment, time seems to be crawling like a snail and it seems like the hours in a day are just too much.

Well, at least when i come back from M'sia i will be busier! At least i can count on two tuitions to resume, my driving lessons and before i know it, it will be christmas! Speaking of which, there seems to be alot of events coming up this christmas, suddenly everyone is concerned about the attendance for these christmas gatherings. oh well, i am certainly looking forward to christmas! I hope christmas comes right now.

Coming up next, finally finally finally after such a long time, i can meet up with my girls :)

如今虽然没有你我还是我自己

2008-11-14T11:48:00.002+08:00

I am seriously BORED, but i know i should be studying.

Anyway, heard SIM was quite efficient this time round with the releasing of results. As it goes, some cheered for passing all and some are quite depressed over one or two modules which they were not able to pass, hopefully there will be a chance for a appeal. Cheer up, stay hopefully still.

So, i still have 6 more days. I look forward to friday more than ever and that's not only because it's the end of my exams but it's more silly, fun loving moments with the "popiahs". Haha don't ask why, i have no idea why we are named after a dish either do i know why we are sometimes known as dim sum or siu mais for that matter.

Back to IM and FPC.

2008-11-03T17:13:00.002+08:00

Suddenly i knew what became of those lost balloons. They were the loves that slipped out of our fists, the blank eyes that rose in every night.

2008-10-29T21:52:00.004+08:00

I have been wanting to blog about this since a few days ago, a little extract from ' My sister's keeper'.

If there was a religion of Annaism and i had to tell you how humans made there way to earth, it would go like this : in the beginning, there was nothing at all but the moon and the sun. the moon wanted to come out during the day, but therewas always something brighter that seemed to fill up all those hours. the moon grew hungry and became thinner and thinner until she was just a slice of herself and her tips were as sharp as a knife. By accident, because that is the way most things happen, she poked a hole in the night and out spilled a million stars, like a fountain of tears.

Horrified, the moon tried to swallow them up. Sometimes it worked, because she got fatter and rounder. But mostly it didn't because there were just too many. The stars kept coming, until they made the sky so bright that the sun got jealous. He invited the stars to his side of the world where it was always bright. What he didn't tell them, though was that in the day time, they'd never be seen. So the stupid ones leaped from the sky to the ground and then froze under the weight of their foolishness.

The moon did her best. She carved each of these blocks of sorrow into man and woman. She spent the rest of her time watching out so that her other stars wouldn't fall. She spent her lifetime holding on to whatever scraps she had left.

Somehow, this little story touches me in its little way, something which i have yet to find a way to explain. Isnt it true that all of us are just fighting within ourself to our best interest, holding on to the remains of what we have, or rather, used to have.

The hardest part is to convince myself before others that it doesnt hurt at all. It doesnt matter what the truth is, you just have to keep reminding yourself, pushing reality away from your eyes and sooner or later, you would have repeated it so many times that it seems like the way you wanted it. It seeps in and made itself into the truth that you wanted. It doesnt matter whether or not its real as long as you had convinced yourself so and that's when the truth became so far away that you no longer remember it existed it at all. The art of self- denial.

2008-10-20T23:49:00.002+08:00

Today i decided that it's time for me to finally post a new entry here. Considering the fact that so much have happened plus the laziness and unwillingness to post many of the things that happened, i have decided that the best details i can give is just a summary.

* I am glad she doesn't have to suffer anymore, not the relapse and not the pain but in any case, it was quite a shocker when everything happened so suddenly. It's like one moment she's here standing and having her birthday dinner with all of us then the next she's off somewhere far away where none of us can ever reach her. But nevertheless, i know it's the easy way out for her.

* I have learnt that it's not about how you ended your life, it's about how you lived your life, for that is what people truly remembers about you.

* Pretending that nothing has happened is really not the easy way out. so why do you have to re-appear at such a timing when everything is bound to be wrong?

* So, nobody can ever hate a person forever. It just takes a simpe gesture, a hug or even just a look to make you forget all that went wrong in the past and the next moment you will start questioning yourself what it is all about in the past that triggers such a strong emotions you had.

* Only a little and it's enough to remember - all the things you thought you had forgotten but were never forgotten, all the hopes that can still be found. Because everytime i remembered part of it, i will kick myself real hard to make sure it hurts exactly the way it should so i wont think about it anymore. I don't understand why something that made me so happy then feels so sad now. Maybe that is the way with memories.

*Sometimes i wished so hard that i can kick that person out of your life.

* It has been much or less confirmed that i will be sitting for my two papers somewhere in nov 18. That will means yet another month to complete freedom.

* Have you ever look at that person who happens to play an important role in your life for the past years and suddenly thought to yourself : i dont know who he/she is anymore. I practically know nothing about that person is anymore. The two of you may be just sitting right opposite each other staring into each other face but the other person just simply stop telling you stuff anymore. And it hurts more that i thought.

* You know, i think i should seriously stop being so naive.

* I am gonna shut up about my life and learn to deal with it alone.

2008-09-17T00:13:00.003+08:00

Sam is a very upset girl today so she's going to vent all her frustrations and anger here on her blog and all of you readers out there can be the nicest friend by ignoring this post and please don't ask me to explain any details cos it happened to be the worst episode of by life and i never ever want to experience it again.

So you want to know how i really really feel at this very moment?
I am both glad and humilated.

I am glad i wasnt taken in by your words.
I am glad nothing happened to us.
I am glad i walked out of your life and made you miserable once.
I am glad you are not and will never ever me a part of my life.
I am glad i saw your true colours hidden behind your mask.

And you know what?
I wish the both of you a happy ending. I hope you will live happily ever after.
And i freakingly am not interested in your life.

If you think you can make me upset just by doing so, you are damn freaking wrong cos i can do much better than letting you intrude and affect my life.

I know all about your past but that girl on the other hand probably doesnt even know i existed. And for that, i pity her.

If she have know what happened in your life for the last 1 year, she wont be here tolearting you. She wont be bothered about the life of a guy who is obviously lying to her.

All the sweet nothings he whispered ? Guess what , i have heard it all.
All the considerate actions? Its all a lie.

If you think you can enjoy the satisfaction of playing me out, think again. Cos i was the one who left you standing outside when you desperately wanted to enter.

I have not shed a single tear since then, my tears deserve better. If you think my world turned upside down because of you, you are so going to be disappointed cos i know i deserve so much better.

You made me feel like a freaking mistress.

I cant guarantee what's going to happen to us but being friend is somewhere near the limit.

2008-08-25T22:48:00.002+08:00

Its funny how you think that you know yourself, thinking that you'll never give your heart to someone else.
Sometimes, we are so involved in something that we never really get to see the truth till someone else point it out to you.
Understanding the logic is one thing, able to apply it is just another matter.

This time i am able to point it out quite clearly cos just 10 months back, i was there experiencing it all. I guess it takes alot of courage to really set your mind and heart on something, determined enough to hold on to your stand no matter how it hurts sometimes.

How can we expect everyone can be a hero, choosing to brave it all when it is part of our nature to let go of barve thoughts at the last moment and cling to the last hope.

This time we have all learnt the same lesson. Its not about how much you wish something wont happened, it is what you did to stop it from accelerating to the limit that matters.

This time we realised that no matter how close a friendship is, there's always a limit. There's always certain things friends just wont do no matter how close. Things that you just cant do in the name of friendship.

This time we learn to appreciate the fact that we should know what's best for ourselves, learning not to short-change yourself just to compromise. Nothing is ever too much if you believe that's the best for you. No-one really knows what's best for you except you.

Just how do you know how much is too much?
Too much love, too much freedom, too much fun or too much to ask of someone.
When it is all just too much for us to bear?

Every other guy is the same, they just have different faces so that you can differentiate them.

and oh yes, HI HUIJUN! You finally tagged :)
ps : tsk tsk, you never come to school today! Bad girl.

2008-08-08T18:01:00.001+08:00

Today is a special day and that explains my sudden urge to blog cos its 080808!

Dingzhi is so lucky to be able to celebrate his birthday on such a special day.

This is just a random entry which only allows me to update in 5 minutes because i am determined to learn not to be late anymore. haha.

Life is beautiful nowadays with the girls in school and my darlings outside school and i am grateful to all of you who brought me happiness and laughters even though we do stupid things together. Take today for example, the stupid dare was hilarous and the random emo songs end up being not that emo afterall.

2008-08-07T22:55:00.002+08:00

It pisses me of when you are the one who needs help from me and there you are distracted by random things on the net. It's just so irresponsible of you to not take your work seriously.

It's only polite of you to concentrate on whatever i am saying instead of having me to repeat the same things over and over again.

sometimes people can just be so insentive or rather to say, they are indifferent to the feelings of people around them. It will be ugly to show you all the frustrations and irritations up front so the least you could do it is to realise that there's a limit and you are dangerously stretching it.

Enough of venting my frustrations, it's time to get back to work.

2008-08-02T00:23:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I freaked out during tuition because just when I started my lesson, I heard the parents shouting at their daughter

Apparently, the mum is not happy that she came home late without anyone knowing where she is. I supposed the parents are worried, but somehow the argument did not stop and it worsen when the elder sister came back.

Anyway, my point is, they were shouting outside the room with me trying real hard to teach, and it irritates me cos my student cannot concentrate well. The worst part was when the mother came in with my drink and she started complaining to me about her daughter, I must have look like an idiot there trying to agree and hoping that she will let me teach in peace.

Not that I enjoy teaching a lot, but I just feel immerse need to cover what I planned to cover on that particular lesson.

Speaking of tuition, I have been so busy with tuition that I currently lost touch with the rest of the world and I feel so deprived of a life. I am seriously considering not taking up any more tuition next year.

I think i am so lazy, i just want to laze around doing nothing, living a care-free life, without having to worry where the money is coming from.

2008-07-31T00:32:00.001+08:00

I am sick of the on-off.
I am tired of compromising and short-changing myself.
I have exhausted all possible reasons and excuses that I could came up with.
I had enough of living in self-denial.

我说为爱你不够勇敢

So as it goes, when you are sick and tired of something, you find a solution. I chose to take the fastest and probably the hardest decision, which is to apply the sudden brake and put a stop to everything.

我伪装冷漠比你先说分手
请原谅我不爱你是藉口

I did exactly what I should have done ages ago and is currently trying my best to not look back, to stop carrying the burden with me and to not give myself a moment to regret.

我说过我绝对不会后悔

I gonna start living a better life without you.

爱过恨过哭过也笑过
其实我比谁都要懦弱
原谅我必须假装爱错
原谅我没有解释太多心痛
爱原来要舍得

2008-07-23T23:13:00.000+08:00

Part of growing up is to experience something new-both good and bad. Something which you perceive as a horrible incident now is really not a big deal down the road of life.

Those pain that you went through, hurt that you thought you will never forget, memories you swore not to re-visit were all being replaced by something newer each day.

曾经我也痛过我也恨过怨过放弃过
在自己的房间里　觉得幸福遗弃我
如果没有分离背叛的丑陋怎么算是真爱过

Please remember the feeling of hurt that left you crying your heart out, these people who had hurt you, are the very people who teach you to become stronger. One fine day we will shock the world by how much stronger we have became.

我在这岸看着你游
为你的坚持感动

Lets not stop believing, lets hold on to the tiniest hope that someday someone will come and share the pain that we went through and give us joy and happiness that we thought we will never have again.

你会的　有一天　会幸福的

2008-07-10T23:50:00.000+08:00

Relationships can be so difficult to understand at times and especialy so with matters of the heart.

How can you be so selfish to think that your friend must understand and accept the things that you do when in the first place you dont even care how she might be feeling. Did it ever occur to you that this does not involve only the two of you but yet of any other person whom you is supposedly your good friend?

Is that guy even worth the 6 years friendship that you used to cherish? How can someone probaby know a guy for 6 weeks and determine that he's the one for her, making her so obessed and convinced that he's worth giving up everything for even if it means sacrificing the friendship and that's because just a month ago, he used to be your BESTFRIEND'S BOYFRIEND.

I guess that's the way with human, we learn to see what life holds for us only when we experience it. Through the different encounters and events, we truly see how we feel.

For a while, i thought i lost my friends that i had for 10 years. Maybe it was because of busy schedule or for some other reason, there was a time where i kinda drifted apart but i am glad that i found them back again.

The friendship is still going strong and as a friend said, our relationship has become stronger and more 'stabilise' especially since last year. This are the bunch of people whom i know since my primary school days, the people who grow up with me, witnessing my horrendous hair-styles and the chinese dance performance every year.

I think i need to let them know that no matter how busy our lives may be, how we never get to meet up that often anymore, the whole lot of you will still be a part of me. The girls especially are my big trees which i can always run to when there's a thunder storm brewing somewhere and i need to hide. So similarly, i am most willing to be the big trees for you to lean on should there be anything not going well for you.

I have strong faith that we will last many rounds of 10 years cos there is US.

In each of you, i see a part of me that i never knew existed.

2008-07-08T23:21:00.000+08:00

There's an uncomfortable feeling stuck within me and I hope by channeling this to my blog I will feel much better.

There was a time not very long ago when we used to laugh at all retarded things no matter how small or big. Now, we hardly ever laugh together anymore. It has been such a long time since we shared an inside joke, so very long.

Once, not very long ago we used to talk almost every single day. Those long msgs and random calls to each other sharing everything, every event no matter whether it’s sad or happy- it feels so distant and seems like a long forgotten past now. Now, we hardly even msg, we hardly know what’s happening to each other life.

Just not very long ago, we don't need a reason for every meet up; we simply enjoy each other company. Now, it's so hard for us to be out without a special reason. It seems that there must be a reason for every meet-up. It feels so sad just having me to type it out.

Somewhere in the past, silent is so rare between us and when it does happen that's because the one of us is in deep though about something and usually the other party will know what’s on her mind. Silent was so comfortable. Somehow, the awkward silent seems to find its way between us, pushing us to desperately something to fill in the empty spaces.

If someone were to ask me about you now, they probably think we dont know each other, they might just mistook us as strangers now. It's just the same the other way round.

I need to admit that I am really uneasy with this feeling that I have. It's like losing something that is so special and unique. You know you can’t bear to let go of it but at the same time you are lost trying to hold on to it. It's a terrible feeling and I hate it. I desperately want to do something about it, something to make things better, and something to stop it from becoming worse. But how am I supposed to let you know that nothing has change, not now and not forever?

I know I gotta find a way to let you know this, to tell you that nothing in this world is worthy enough for me to compromise you.

From the day I first have this feeling, I should have known that something has gone terribly wrong with us. I should have done something about it when it's just the beginning; it was my fault to think that it's just a phrase and that we will eventually find a way out. I should have told you long ago that nobody is important enough for me to replace you. I should have been more alert to feel that something is pulling us apart as each day pass.

I just feel so distant from you now and it's just like.........I lost my dearest old friend.

Dear _________,
I miss you terribly.
I miss my dearest friend and soul mate.
Dear friend please come back.

And i aint going to cry, cos crying means everything is over, crying means nothing can be changed and i am not going to believe that.

2008-07-04T23:16:00.000+08:00

"A woman can become a man's friend only in the following stages - first an acquantaince, next a mistress, and only then a friend."
- Anton Chekhov

okay, now i know why.

2008-06-30T19:29:00.000+08:00

Every person has a story to tell so will you stay and allow me to finish this story slowly and bitterly.

We pray for blessings because we believe that cause and effect form a cycle. But a more realistic reason is that we are afraid we can't get our hearts' desires or lose what we already have. Above all, we dread the feeling of regret. But can life ever be without regret?

She mocked her weakness and her inability to stand strong by herself. You need not be alarmed at the humiliation and how ugly the world seems cause you'll soon learn to see that we are all the same.

She, who was once full of herself in the past, can never foretell what will happen next. And how could she, who has learnt the lesson the hard way, now laugh at her own past naivety?

As time passes, we reminisce about the past. So now, in this story of someone else, do not be astonished by her sorry state or his terrifying nature because no matter how strange it seems, it's only one of the many episodes in life.

A word of apology doesn't ease her pain, it only awakens painful memories. You’re already kinder than the rest by turning a deaf ear. It has at least given her some respite and that’s about the only thing we can do.

She thought that however unpredictable a man's heart is, it can't escape her eyes. But while she could see wickedness, she was blind to kindness.

You need not bother to find out who she truly love, what she really yearns for and that's because she concede that she have been duly punished. She should have understood that it's because she can't let go. If you wish to know the reason, it's so simple.

Don't bother to search for the truth because the eyes choose to see what it wants to see and the heart is blind to all the truth.

2008-06-20T16:29:00.002+08:00

Today is the happiest and probably the saddest day of my life. How contradicting.

say goodbye baby.

2008-06-17T21:46:00.002+08:00

Recently so much had happened and I think it's high time I settle down and work out my thoughts,

People change as they grow. In some cases, we change due to changes in the environment and due to the different episode of life and the things we encountered.

It's like you seems to change just overnight, so much so that I couldn't talk to you anymore. In the past, I used to be the one among us who can at least have a proper conversation with you. In the past, you just to be able to tell me things, though these things may not be your darkest secrets but still you used to be able to tell me.

Well, I guess it's all IN THE PAST. But I seriously have no idea why all these change so fast, with no symptoms and no sighs, they just changed. It’s feels like you have become a total stranger all of the sudden and no one knows what happened.

The more people tell me things, the more I feel that I couldn't recognize you anymore. The more I know, the more I feel that you have become someone I couldn't connect to anymore and it's scaring me out.

People change, I know, but this sudden change in you has come too quickly for me to take it in my stride. I wished and wished that you can come and tell me how you are feeling right now but I know you want to hear nothing of it. At times, I wished I could just walk up to you and just like in the past start the conversation with you and probably I will know what exactly has happened to you and from there maybe it will make me understand the change in you. But, from the last conversation we had, you seem to be not interested to talk and I have the feeling that I shouldn’t probe too much

We are after all still friends and the last thing I want is to for us to stop talking altogether. And it's probably bad enough that we don't see you around that often anymore but the worst that could probably happen is to see you like maybe twice a year and then gradually we stop seeing each other permanently.

"Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long, till I'm going to need somebody to lean on."

- "Lean On Me"

2008-06-15T00:03:00.000+08:00

Why it is that when you want to make an effort to do something, you always end up feeling totally unappreciated and left out. Somehow the feelings cant hide themselves, they just show. At the end of the day, i just felt disappointment and anger and maybe the urge to scream it all out.

Maybe it was me who have not tried enough and maybe it was me who left you feeling neglected and all alone in the first place but cant you see that i am running away from my life so as to complete yours?

If you realized, my life doesnt revolve around you alone, there are many others who appreciate me much more and that doesnt even involve me having to sacrifice my life. And because i really do treat you as a friend, i am giving in again and again but you probably will never ever know how hurting some words can be, even though i know it was never meant to hurt intentionally.

I dont really have any obligation to take this from you and if being nice and tolerating means that i have to continue hiding my emotions and faking that it doesnt bother me at all, i think it's high time i re-assess my attitude and probably learn to be more assertive.It just takes a little more to reach my limit.

At times i hate the changes that life brings, and that's where we probably stand- we changed. But somehow, it seems that life is teaching us lesson that changes are really meant to make you grow and become a much better, stronger person. Maybe as time goes by, i will emerge a much braver person, probably by then i'll be a stranger in your eyes.

I couldnt tell you why she felt that way, she felt it everyday.
I couldnt help her, i just watch her make the same mistakes again.
Dont know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She want to go gome but nobody's home, that's where she lies broken inside.
There's no where to hide, to dry her eyes, broken inside.

Somethings are meant to be changed in life, and for that i applaud all others that remain the same.

2008-06-10T23:36:00.000+08:00

There are so many things that i want to say out loud but i have no idea how to put them in proper words.
There are so many emotions hidden inside and i feel like i am all about to burst but i have no where to hide.
And then, that's when i realized we are so very different.

I realized, the sky will still still be as beautiful even without you.
Nothing has changed, maybe just only you and me.

2008-05-12T12:11:00.000+08:00

It's all too late. Everything just came too late when it should be in place long long time ago. It's the underlying problem that has been there since day one, fueling itself within me till i finally lost all control. Everything is cruelly exposed and i thought we were pretty clear that it's all over.

It took me this long to realise that all the promises you made, the words you said are all lies. There's no way you can fulfill any of those things that you once promised with such ease. The only truth that exists between us is that there's a mutual understanding that you cant do a single thing that you promised.

You’ve got One Night Only, One Night Only that’s all we have to spare

One Night Only, lets not pretend to care

One Night Only, One Night Only come on big baby come on

One Night Only we only have till dawn

When the morning this feeling will be gone, has no chance going on

So lets forget about chances, Its One Night I will give

One Night Only, One Night Only you’ll be the only one

One Night Only, then you’ll have to run

One Night Only, One Night Only there’s nothing more to say

Can you understand and give in to my stubborness for the last time and mabe learn to appreciate that it's probably the best to just break away softly and gently without doing too much hurt?

2008-05-06T00:10:00.002+08:00

There's this weird feeling stuck within me for the whole of today and i just can't shake it off.

Something, somewhere just feels wrong these days.

2008-04-28T00:13:00.003+08:00

Since there's a million things running through my head and i have no idea how to start, i will just put up some of those random thoughts and maybe by the end of the day i will be enlightened.

*Drinking too much is bad for health--person drinking as well as the innocent party receiving calls in the middle of the night.

* Alcohol doesnt give you the excuse to do something and not be held responsible for it.

*Somehow i kinda like the days when you are gone. I dont even miss you half as much as i thought i will.

*Someone please go write a book on how to deal with your ex bf.

* What can you do when you feel that even your good friend is a threat? We know it's bad and it's mad to think in such a way but sometimes there is just no explanation to those funny feelings.

*I know my buddy is sad but i gotta feign ignorance because she denies that she is upset and i dont blame her cos even though we know it's bad for your heart, sometimes you just bottle everything up especially if you cant provide the explanation for certain things. If you cant figure out how you realy feel, what makes you think the other party will understand something which you, yourself dont understand?

* Why are women so fickled-minded?

*GOLDEN HORSE AWARD

*Could it be that you are really really not the one ?

* Ky mentioned something about the sparks. Forget the sparks, how about raging fire to burn everything down?

*I am suffering with my students because it's their exams period, what a great teacher i am. I have less time for shopping due to longer tuition hrs and extra lessons just so that they can do well and they better do well.

* If i pretend nothing had happened, can it really means that nothing will happen?

* Today someone told me that the best torture / revenge you could give someone who had hurt you is to pretend that you are not affected even though it hurts really bad inside and all you want to do is to pick up that stagger lying somewhere and aim.

I seriously should go plan a proper entry.

2008-04-21T23:49:00.002+08:00

Did i mention how hilarious my student can be?

The other day i was on the phone with Jess and we were urgently talking about some travel stuff when my student overheard us. I dont know how much he heard but apparently he heard enough to know that we are booking a hotel. So when i hung up the phone he asked if i am going to stay at a hotel and guess what he said?

My student: " teacher you are going to a hotel? You must be careful of wolf'
so my obvious reply was huh? what wolf?
and he said- beware of human wolf.

Hahaha, what can i say? The kid obviously watch too much drama series. Oh and he is a P3 kid.

And i have no idea why Augustus Teo cant stop laughing after i told him this.

Did i ever tell you how freaking weird this whole thing will be? Can someone tell me how to act normal? Like give me a good strategy please.

2008-04-20T23:05:00.004+08:00

I figured i should do something about this blog since my exams are finally over but on the other hand i am running out of inspiration on what to put up here. Bear with me cos this is gonna be one random entry.

Firstly, I came across something really interesting when i was reading an article about the life of Irwins. His wife stated that her husband said an interesting thing about trust, which in turn kept me pondering after reading it.

He said, "I don't know why people don't like crocodiles. They are very straightforward; if you get really close to a crocodile, he's always going to try to eat you. With people, sometimes they pretend to be your friend first."

It would be really sad to not be able to trust a friend anymore.

To side track, I am currently having this mid-length hair crisis which is getting on my nerve. If the weather continues to be what it is like the past few days i might just snip off everything and be a nun.

That day at the STC funfair, i saw a classmate from SIM and i almost died. I am not sure if she did saw me but even if we did cross our path i bet we will just pretend not to see each other.

Oh, and there's this article in the newspaper today that tell a story of how a man wants to have sex everyday after a heart transplantation because the donor was a young guy at his early twenties. I really dont know whether i should laugh at it so be totally serious about the issue.

There are all these little things which i so badly want to share with you but i have to fight the urge to dial your number cos you are not there.
This is barely the first day.

2008-03-27T00:09:00.003+08:00

Taking a break for studying and here's something to lighten the mood :)

One day, a husband was sitting on his comfortable couch reading his newspaper when his wife came up to him and gave him a whack on his head. The husband was shocked and asked his wife: "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"
His wife replied : "that was for the slip of paper in your left pocket with the name MARY on it"
The husband went on to explain : "Mary is the horse which i rode on last sunday in the farm"
The wife was filled with remorse and apologised to her husband.

Two weeks later.
The husband was again reading his newspaper on his comfortable couch when his wife came up to him and gave him a whack on his head --this time with a iron rod.
The husband obviously knocked out and when he finally regain his conscious, he asked his wife : " WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"
His wife replied : " YOUR HORSE CALLED"

2008-03-25T23:05:00.001+08:00

I have lived for 21 years to only realize today that I am FLAT – FOOTED. How is this possible?

NO WONDER I am always falling and tripping all over the place.
NO WONDER I sprain my left so often and so easily.
NO WONDER my foot hurts whenever I run for too long.

Okay, I am sinking into depression and total sadness now.
FLAT-FOOTED??!!!
*FAINTS*

2008-03-23T00:33:00.000+08:00

It is a norm for young people to try to act different?

You know I have seen so many teenagers trying so hard to be what they are not, the way they dress, the way they talk and the way they present themselves.

Just last Sunday, I was shocked to learn that 13 years old actually wear make-up. So, it is all what the young people are shopping for nowadays? Mascara and eye-liner? I thought it was bad enough to start wearing make-up when you barely pass the age of 13 but can someone explain the rationale of wearing make-up to a beach?

You know I think I am such a failure but even I had difficulty differentiating between the mascara and eye liner when I was 19. I didn’t occur to me that I have to know these things and I had always refer the mascara as “put the eye lash one” to my girlfriends.

And speaking of that, I have a friend asking me why I don’t wear make up and so I answered him with my first instinct “For what?’ and for that, he broke out into fits of laughter and declare he wants a daughter like me next time. I wasn’t even sure if that’s supposed to be a compliment -_-

The thing is, I am not anti make-up or something. It’s just a natural thing for girls to want to look good and even I am no exception. I have friends who wear make-up to school too and it’s no big deal and even I do put on make-up when there’s a special occasion but 13 years old??? How did she learn how to put on the mascara in the first place?

Maybe I am just out-dated and all the 13 years old girls are wearing make-up everywhere they go and attracting all the wrong attention on them but all I could see from their actions was the lack of confidence and trying too hard to be someone they are not.

Maybe it’s just a path they have to go through whereby they are at the stage of finding an identity for themselves and in the midst of it doing things they shouldn’t be doing at their age. Or maybe it’s just simply the change in the generation. It just feels so strange and weird.

Friends are people who accept you for who you are, not for the things you wear, the things you do or the things you don’t do

.Why do I always have the urge to blog when I am really supposed to be studying?

2008-03-19T17:37:00.003+08:00

Two of my favourite pictures from the BBQ last sunday. what did the pictures tell you?

As i sat on the rock staring at the sea with the people around me having fun and laughing really loud, i reminisced all the moments we had.

I remembered that particular day at the beach with the sunset staring back at us and you by my side, you confessed. Then gently holding my hands, you said to give you time and for me to wait for you, for us to overcome the obstacle of time. I felt lost then.

Then i recalled how we just to sit in silence and after which you will look straight into my eyes and ask me what's on my mind. I remembered i used to ask you back the same question and you will smile your cheeky smile and say you was just thinking how we ended up like this-- the two lucky souls.

Then i thought of the times when we argued over the smallest and stupidest issue and how you always make some dumb comments that somehow send us in a fit of laughter even though we are really supposed to be in a fight--that was your unique way of making everything okay.

Now looking back, we have came so far and sometimes i feel like i am standing at a road junction with so many options to take and so many possibilities. I dont know how long you will stay but i know i will enjoy each day that you stayed.

Maybe it's just me PMS-ing but life has been horrible for the past two weeks. Thank goodness for my girlfriends.

2008-03-17T20:40:00.003+08:00

Today after lunch with WenHui at Telok blangah market, i took a bus from Stc and the place brought back fond memories.

Standing at the very crowded bus stop and staring at the strange exterior of my favourite old school, I can’t help but smile as the past flashed back. Though the school looks very much different and I could relate myself to the physical outlook of the school anymore, the feeling of long lost home and warmth was still there. Standing there in the middle of blues, I remembered how we used to walk down the bridge and squeeze in the crowd, sometimes the ice-cream uncle will be there and we will indulge ourselves in the ice-cream and scrambled to finish it off once we see the bus approaching. It was at the same bus-stop where we used to gossip and make waved good bye to each other.

As I sat in a bus filled with Theresians in their white blouse and blue pinafore, I was reminded of how I used to look like just 4 years back. Though the journey to Tiong was a mere 3 stops, it felt like forever cos the bus was so noisy and everyone was perspiring from the heat.

Many valuable memories were refreshed. Things like how Julia and I used to sit outside the classroom during recess and complain about life when everyone else is at the canteen. And the times when we rushed down to the canteen after school to Ta Pao food for Mrs Lim extra lessons. And of cos the retarded moments like talking to Ms Agnes Tan about blackouts and other stupid things in geography class and end up getting caught.
The times when we sat under the hot sun for sports day and swimming carnivals getting ourselves burnt and screaming our hearts out. The one time when we went back to school everyday during the November holiday for the PBL project and experienced being a tour-guide to a bunch of primary 6 kids who weren’t very cooperative. And I guess the most funny one was remembering how 4b was punished by Mr Sam Sng probably for talking in assemble.

At the end of the 10 minutes bus ride, I realized STC had given me many fond memories that will stay with me for a long long time. Cheers to the wonderful people I met who gave me special reasons to say that my secondary school life was filled with tears and laughter.

The best things in life is probably realising that some things (good and bad) never change.

Simple in virtue, steadfast in duty, learn how to learn and learn how to live.

2008-03-16T01:15:00.000+08:00

"i guess its a normal thing to be infatuated with people u dont know too well, because u can create them to be the perfect ideal person... if u actually got to know them and see who they actually are that could dispell ur whole attraction..."

I realised my last update was more than two weeks ago and so i should really start doing some reflections.

But it really dosent matter whether there's a update cos my life is as boring and stagnant as usual. If you asked me to list three interesting things i have done for the past two weeks i may find the task almost impossible. The most exciting thing is probably rushing all the projects with my friends and end up feeling unbelievable that i am still surviving.

Speaking of that, i totally hate _____ people. (Fill in the blank with your own imagination and at own risk). I was so mad that i almost you know do something that i never did for the past 21 years of my life.

Oh well i guess it was totally not worth it so i should just spare the agony of all my readers.
And sorry to my friends and all the people out there who had to put up with my pissy mood even though they are troubled with their lifes too. Thanks to all my darlings who was there to endure my endless complain and i feel bad for having to take it out on them.

When differences revealed and the fights wont stop, causing chilly wall to build up between us fueling our anger and resentment, i am glad that you was there to hold me up when i am so close to giving it all up.

Counting down one month to finals. I shall believe that we will all turn out just fine.

2008-02-28T01:11:00.001+08:00

I know this place seems dead for quite a while but pardon me cos i have hot dates with test , projects and those dreadful medicine.

I really meant to put up this entry long time ago but somehow i could only do it today. Haha, here goes the long overdue entry-

Thanks to all for a memorable 21st. Really enjoyed myself and i hope all who came did too :) Know why my 21st is such a memorable one? Because lots of my "First time" occur there.

- The first time someone smashed a cake on my beautiful face.

- The first time the bus broke down on me

- The first time someone fainted right under my nose

- The first time all my friends gathered

- My first time receiving a gigantic card with birthday wishes from 40 plus people

- My first time having someone baked a full cake for me

- The first time i had fire-sparks on my birthday cake instead of candles

- The first time i stayed awake the whole night gossiping with Agnes Tan

- The first time i had Macs breakfast at 5am

- The first time i had bbq food for 3 consecutive days

And not forgetting, it was the day i have to admit that i have the most 3-8 and gossipy friend around - Erhem, agnes tan, who seems to know everyone and everything and quite determine to share the news with us. Haha, thanks to her i now know about those gossips.

And of cos my birthday wish is not helpful at all cos everyone decided to buy all the stuff that i specifically said i dont want. Haha, i guess that's why all of you are my friends.

okay, let the pictures do the talking then :)

Million Thanks to mushroom for this very special hand-made cake!

my very practical presents from the very practical friends

pictures of my glam and unglam moments

the cute and pretty middle names. Haha, thanks wend.

Most importantly, the key to my everything

dear friend,

please believe in yourself and remember that no matter what we will be here supporting you. No disappoinment in yourself is allowed and do believe that you are best in being who you are. Not going to wish you all the best for tmr cos i know you will put in nothing but the best, either for yourself or for those who love you dearly. Dry those tears and i know you will emerge as a stronger person.

Next entry coming up-- relating to you how dumb i can be and one issue in my life that i cant or maybe simply refuse to face up to.

2008-01-29T21:14:00.000+08:00

亲爱的那并不是爱情

有你在的地方我总感觉很窝心
日子像旋转木马在脑海里转不停出现
那些你对我好的场景
你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎么美丽也只能是曾经
太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

Right now i wish you could come to me and tell me how you feel . Because right now i have so many things i've waited so long to tell you - sighs , how did we end up like this ? we're close to not even being friends anymore . All i wish for is that we could start talking again and figure out how we feel about things cos no one really knows how i feel about you now , not even me.

2008-01-24T22:40:00.000+08:00

Everyone has been pestering me about what i want for my birthday and i know i should really make my friends life much easier by drawing up a birthday list.

wendy begged me to tell her what i want for my birthday, so wendy can i beg you to not beg me for what i want?

Bags - I dont need one till i clear away my old bags
Clothes - I have enough clothes to last me for another year.
Shoes - Dont get me this unless you want to send me away.
Accesories - I dont wear them very often anymore.
Perfume/make-up - I dont wear these
Chocolates - I AM ON A DIET
and no, i have outgrown soft toys

And whatever you do, please i beg you not to do retarded things to me and keep durian far far away from me.

People in love get everything wrong

2008-01-20T23:26:00.000+08:00

Last friday was NYP CO concert.

Anyway, something funny happened when i waited with Anne lim at the yio chu kang MRT station for julia and ky. Anne, for the SECOND TIME let a secret slipped through and hence telling me something that i was not supposed to know. Haha, it was damn funny and i couldn't stop laughing. Sorry Anne, but it's really really funny.

This was how our conversation went.

Sam: ey, where did you came from?
Anne: i went to the puma warehouse sales.
Sam: Why you so evil never ask me go?
Anne: you want to go? You can go with Yr on sunday before going to julia's house. She also wants to go.
Sam: HUH? we are going julia's house on sunday?
Anne: ya, you dont know meh?
Sam; No, no-one tell me leh.
Anne (opens her eyes big big and in a state of shock) Oh, nonono, we not going julia's tan house this sunday. I remembered wrongly, its amanda who is going! We are really really not going julia's house!

So at this point i was already laughing really hard and i think everyone at the MRT station that day thinks we are some mad women arguing whether we are going julia tan's house on sunday anot.

Seriously anne, this is the second time since the birthday cake issue on Julia's birthday last year. HAHA. I should talk to anne more before my birthday and i should be able to know alot of things that i am not supposed to know.

Dont worry Anne, you did not let the cat out of the bag. Even if you did, i only saw its tail and the head is still safely kept in the bag.

Darling, please dont let friday change your stand towards him. And friday was not supposed to be the day that make you confuse and lost either. It will be hard for you to feel nothing at all after seeing him but just give yourself some days to get over the confusion and i believe your life will revert back to its normal ways again. dont think too much and dont be too harsh on yourself :)

2008-01-16T22:25:00.000+08:00

I just realised that my last entry falls on the 14th of January.

14th Jan is really a bad day

Just two years back i was very affected by this date that will send my emotions on a roller coaster ride. I remembered how i wished and wished that 14th Jan will never come but of course eventually it did.

Now,two years later i am still upset but for a different reason. 14th Jan is like a curse and all unhappiness will take place on this day.

Anyway, today's topic is on teenagers' relationship.

When we were young, just few years back i am sure all of us had questioned about our parent's decision of strictly no BGR till you are older. Now as young adults( dont deny, all of us are growing older) i guess we finally realised the reasons behind and that our parents did what they feel was the right thing to do.

This afternoon on my way back from school, i saw two couples on the bus. Naturally, the two couples started their competition against each other, showing off their public affections. One look at them and you know they are damn young, probably between the age of 12 and 13. The worst thing was that they didn't even have the common sense to change out of their uniform and hence the whole world know which school they are from.

Sometimes i really question these people and their ability to put their common sense in good use despite the good education they receive. Common sense tells us that if you want to keep the relationship a secret, you obviously have to act discreetly. For goodness sake, if you holding hands in school and announcing your "secret" relationship to the whole world, then you dont expect not to be found out right??

As for me, at the age of 20 turning 21 (yes i know i am old, dont remind me), i still find BGR issues very complex. Maybe it's just me being dumb but some of these issues(especially current one which i am facing) prove to be potential danger to serious brain damage. So, i wonder how being at 12 or 13 , these people can actually prove to be well capable or handling relationship when at the end of the day they are just going to hurt everyone around them.

Maybe they think they are old enough to make important decisions for themself but apparently they prove themself wrong. Just look at how many cases of young girls being cheated (worse still, some were not cheated) and have to go through abortion. Again, just look at how many cases of young people commiting suicide. What these figures show are obvious-parents do have the reason to worry.

Rules are afterall still rules. (and no, they are not meant to be broken)
I read from somewhere that says "rules are actually really there to protect you, to make you safe"
why do you think our parents lay down all the different rules for us- curfew,no staying out late etc if they dont care or bother?

Maybe they will understand when they are older like us.

Okay, it's high time i return to commercial law.
I love commercial law.
I love commercial law.
Can you see the irony? I am trying real hard to brain-wash myself.
I LOVE COMMERCIAL LAW!

2008-01-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

I have been trying to gather my thoughts last night and sadly to say, even after one sleepless night there is still yet any decision made on my part.

When people around me start to point an accusing finger at you, i was left hopeless, unable to defend for you and for myself.
I tried, i honestly tried. But what can i do when i know too well that what they said are true?

You are really not someone who will give a damn to the feelings of people around you. At times i even find you selfish and difficult. But because i can deal with your lousy attitude, because i can at least try to accept and maybe tolerate this difficult man that i had chosen to fancy i know i cant expect others close to me to do so as well. However, when those close to me, the very people who have seen me grown over the last few years, whose opinions and advice i value tells me straight in my face that you are horrible i know i have no escape. Not only because i knew that every word and accusation pointed at you are true but also because those are the very things i am so afraid to face up too.

Up till yesterday, a part of me had always tried to stand up for you to justify your condemning actions. A argument within myself always take place trying in vain to convince myself that those impressions that people had are somewhat false because they do not know the real you, what they saw was actually a exaggerated image that you protrayed. But somehow, a conversation yesterday put a stop to all the struggles within me. Maybe its because for the first time, i find myself speechless in trying to defend you, or maybe its because some things that she said struck a chord and make me realise just how blind i was. For whatever reason, i came to realise that i have been childishly hiding from reality, stubbornly rejecting the hard ugly truth that is right under my nose.

You know i will really like my friends to like you and to maybe even understand why i am attracted to you-something that i cant really figure out. But when reality turns it's head on me i have little choice but to embrace it with pain.

To be caught in between you and my friends seems to be the worst nightmare that has happened and one which i hope to wake up from as soon as possible. it had been my greatest wish for my boyfriend to get along well with my friends for somewhere deep in my heart i know that friends will like you when you are the right one for me.

When one of my close girlfriends actually asked me outright to stay away from you, i am lost. For one, i know she is the most reasonable and practical person i have met and i know she will not intervene in my relationship unless she really really thinks that you are bad news and is trying to stop me form plunging into danger zone. Secondly it also a final verdict that my friends hate you and will never ever like you unless you undergo a drastic makeover in your personality-something i know you will never do.

Yet all these feelings within me can never be made known to you. No matter how well you know me, how many things i can tell you, this is going to be the biggest secret i have to keep from you. Because i know its hurting. We once talked about this issue and i know it's just as important to you that friends of the girl you like to accept you.

At times i wonder why i ever took a liking to you in the first place. You were so different from what i have been hoping for. Never in my life will i expect myself to even like you as a friend let alone be attracted to you.
Then again you know what they say about love being blind. I guess i must be really blind then.
Maybe it's the fact that i can be so comfortable in your presence, so easy to start talking to you.

I know i should remain clear-headed but somehow when dealing with issues concerning you, calmness always end up at the bottom of the list. I know the best i can do for myself is to protect myself and to prevent any possible future pain. But it came to a point where i know its just as painful for me to walk out of your life.
For a part of me likes the way you seek out for me, the little ways you depend on me but ironically those are exactly the same things that turn my friends off.

"If you cannot decide what to do, follow your heart"

Right now, my heart is sending me all sort of different signals, so which one should i follow?

2008-01-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

You know i have been really hardworking and determined cos i make it a point to swim at least twice a week!

Just the other day, evil JULIA TAN made me swim 12 laps in 45 minutes. ITS MADNESS. So you can imagine how tired i was when i left the pool that day. i couldnt even walk properly and to think i have to give tuition after that!

But guess what? I had macs for lunch two consecutive days later and gained back whatever calories/fats i had managed to shake off. So i am back to square one again.

Anyway, the purpose of today entry was supposed to be me ranting about what lousy groupings we have in SIM but i am too lazy to type now.
In any case, i think i should keep a open mind first before i start to complain (even though my group members doesnt look very promising)

I must have faith in them! RIGHT? (hard time convincing myself)

RANDOM : what happen if your bestfriends dont have a good impression on a guy that you supposedly like?

2008-01-05T23:55:00.000+08:00

Someone please explain originality and the importance of it to her. It encourages you to be CREATIVE and be a much more INTERESTING person and most importantly its MORALLY RIGHT.

I am currently feeling crappy because i just learnt that project groupings are out and i cant access to the dumb portal. Oh my goodness, please give me nice members.

I know its wrong but i cant help grumbling about school especially when it's starting in two days time. I know most of my friends had already started school long time before mine and some of them don't even get to enjoy the 2 months holidays that i did but still!
I wont mind school if i am there only to learn new things. I mean i still do la but ultimately its those sickening projects and their datelines that kills all the fun that school should bring. I thought we are supposed to love knowledge and learning new things? Look what school has done to us.

How come we didnt appreaciate the learning system when we were in primary school and secondary school?

Anyway, i was talking to Anne the other day and we both agreed that uni is so much different form what we experienced in sec and even jc.
i remembered the teachers telling us that uni is so much easier than A level and once you cleared the tough stage you will get to enjoy life in uni. WHAT RUBBISH.
Uni MIGHT be easier if we dont have to maintain our GPA. Uni MIGHT be easier if its FUN. But no, its not even fun being a uni student.

Come to think of it, at the end of the day we are all competing against each other for jobs with a similar degree. They say its hard to find a job without a degree but i say its equally tought with a degree because everywhere, everyone is holding a degree. To be on the top you just have to be different from the others.

As you can see my opportunities in life is quite narrowed down. In fact i have only one possible option now. To prepare myself for the real working society, i have to get a good degree. Especially since i am in a private uni i have to get a better degree to be at the same starting point with graduates from the local uni.

Oh my, this is not motivating me at all. I am quite depressed and demoralised about school now.

Yes, in case you didnt realise, i dislike projects! i would love school so much more without it. projects are freakingly making me dislike school :/ I shall go pamper myself tmr before Monday comes and announces the start of a new semester and the start of misery when projects come and dominate my life.

Jiayou everyone! Especially those who is rushing for projects dateline and also those who major exams are approaching and should really start studying :)

Lets all cheer up with this song originated from julia's new bf.
Mr sun sun, Mr golden sun
please shine down on me.

2008-01-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

Currently a favourite and the repeated track in my mp3. A song dedicated to all my love ones especially those close to my heart and whom i know will always be- most importantly to clovers for the 10th year of friendship and counting on.

My Love Will Get You Home

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.

2007-12-31T15:26:00.000+08:00

Its the last day of the year again and time for recollection.

This year has been a mess because
time flew by too quickly.
I still need time to gather thoughts before moving on to a brand new year with a new start.
I still need time to gather evidence that 2007 had indeed been a fruitful year.
I still need time to compose myself for the fast changing environment.
I still need the time to understand myself better.

As the year came to an end i cant help but realised that as we grow, many things change and very often its against our wish and more often changes take place even before we realise them.
Changes might not be for the worse cos we learn to grow with this changes even though part of us wished and wished that everything will reamin the same.

2007 taught me much about friendship.
I have learnt that its important to keep friends updated about my life no matter how boring and insignificant it may seems and most importantly not to MIA for no apparent reason.
Most importantly, this year had proven to me that true friends stay around.
For that i sincerely apologise to all my dearest friends out there for being a horrible friend this year. This horrible friend of yours want to say a big thank you for staying around and not abandoning her.

2007 taught me courage.
I have learnt that courage means to dare to wish for what you want.
Courage means to learn to compromise, even if it means short-changing yourself when you think it's worth it no matter how many people refuse to recognise your way.
Most importanly, i learnt and pick up the courage to know what i want for myself despite disapproving looks from people.

lastly 2007 gave me a chance to understand myself better.
No body really knows the real you till you can fully understand yourself.
I hope to fully realise the real me- to understand what i hope to achieve in life, to understand what really is important in my life.

2007 might be a good year afterall.

As a new year begins, i hope we will learn to grow and to take on the new challenges and responsibilities like a grown up.
Being a grown-up means not just doing things adults get to do but knowing what things not to do.

In a sense, 2008 might not be any different but it truly depends on what you set to achieve and what changes you want to make in your present life to make it a better one.
For that, i hope i can make 2008 a more sucessful and memorable year :)

2007-12-22T23:51:00.000+08:00

Tonight the feeling of loneliness is over-whelming.

I wished and wished that you will call for the whole day but when the phone finally lights up with you name on it all i did was to stare and leave it directing you to my voicemail.
For the millionth time i wanted to picked up the phone and speed dial your number but something is stopping me.

I dont know whether its because Daddy and Mummy is away and i am home alone.
Or just the fact that i feel something is missing, a piece of my life lying somewhere.

Sometimes i feel that i dont even know you anymore.
I have no idea whats on your mind and neither do you know whats on mine.
Maybe its just us refusing to seek a clear answer, typically avoiding what we should have faced up long time ago.

I have no idea how long i can last, how much longer before i break away.
You will never understand how it make me feel, how insecure i am, how much i fear to ask out right, how i convinced myself not to think too much.
Freedom just seems too important to you, so much so that i cease in importance.

You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel.

Between the choice of having a world of freedom and me, will you even stop and hesitate for one split second?

2007-12-20T15:37:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder why the feeling of love may not seems as wonderful?

Because knowing how it feels leaves you wanting more,
Because it cripples you,
Because there's always a gap to fill,
Because ignorance is bliss.

2007-12-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

Telling me how much you have changed or how you intent to change is not working.
Apologising and trying to salvage the situation is pointless cos the damage is already done.
No amount of flowers or chocolates sent to my house will help neither is the sweet-talking.

Because my life doesnt consist of you only.
It doesnt matter whether you want to be part of my life cos with or without you my life will still continue to move on. It might be great to have you as part of my life or so i thought but if it cant work out then we just have to believe we are not meant to be.If you think you are that important to me then think again.

Because if it cant work out it will be a waste of my time and youth.
I wont want to waste even a month with you if its going to end badly. Who cares about creating sweet memories and who cares about living life to its most at the moment? All of these will just a source of pain if the relationship turn sour. And at the end of the day my time will be wasted on you who might turns out to be the biggest disappointmenet in my life- someone totally not worth it.

Because i am tired of arguing over the same issue.
No doubt i can give in to you but how many time do you think i can tolerate your nonsense before it became a source of irritating and sore point for the both of us? just how many times do you expect me to give in to you anyway?

Because you are one guy who cannot commit.

Go sweet-talk someone else and do whatever you deem fit cos i am not a 16 year old who will be amazed by you. If you have a serious problem committing then go find someone else.

And i am supposed to live up to your expectation of being a very happy person when all you ever did was to try all means to ruin everything.

And i know you are going to brush off it saying that i will get over it with a sleep. You know i will, i will probably get over it tmr morning but thats not the point.

You always assume that and took it for granted.

It seems that you know i will be happy again the next morning and it had slowly became a convenient excuse for you and a simply get-away.

2007-12-08T16:53:00.000+08:00

I had actually wanted to blog this afternoon but i cant help staring at the beautiful pictures of the chocolates i posted last entry and i cant bear to flush the entry down with a new post so i decided to not blog. HAHA. Till the next time then :)

2007-12-06T16:48:00.000+08:00

Being a total chocolate freak, you can imagine how excited i am when there's huge beautifully decorated chocolates right in front of my eyes. chocolates are so sinful but how could anyone ever resist them especially when they look so delicious like those below? They look so cute that i wont bear to eat them up. Lets just ignore those diets and fats today and indulge ourself in the fantasy world chocolates!

can you believe its plain strawberry under the beautiful coats of chocolates? Eating chocolate with fruits is less sinful right? *living in self-denial.

Just look at that! Wont you just melt if someone special give this to you on valentines day? Imagine having this as the dessert specially made and presented to you.

now, take a closer look. Are you sure have the heart to eat it? I like!

Red for passion! This is the least fattening of all. Best for a lazy afternoon spent playing cards with friends isnt it?

if you take a closer look, the chocolates come in shapes of mini cake! I want this for my birthday! And you know what's the best part of it? the mini chocolate cakes come in 50 designs and flavors! I seriously should buy this for myself on my 50th birthday. HAHA

I am not the biggest fan for cherries but i have to admit that even this look nice. Imagine lazying around a pool-side and popping this into your mouth, compliment with your favourite drink and enjoying the company of the sun.

dont you think this is so cute? omg, i want this for my wedding.

These are my favourite! Dont you agree that they are just so cool? such cool colours they have. Its said that these two series reprent love and friendship. Hot red for the passionate lovers and the cool blue for the long lasting ever calming friendship. So cool eh?

Back to the reality, a cup of hot chocolate will be just more than enough to make my day. what is a perfect afternoon without a cheesecake to go with the perfect brew of hot chocolate?

Chocolate is fattening?? I dont really care especially when they look too cute to resist. The diets can just wait till tmr.

Chocolate feast this christmas anyone?

2007-12-05T23:37:00.000+08:00

How much of this explains me?

FEBRUARY BABY

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone.Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

AQUARIUS

The Water bearer

Strongest virtues - great intellectual power, the ability to communicate and to form and understand abstract concepts, love for the new and avant-garde.

Deepest need- to know and to bring in the new

Characteristic to avoid- coldness, rebellious for its own sake, fixed ideas.

Signs of greatest overall compatibility- Gemini, Libra

Signs of greatest overall incompatibility- Taurus, Leo, Scorpio

Sign most helpful to career- Scorpio

Sign most helpful for emotional support- Taurus

Sign most helpful financially- Pieces

Sign best for marriage/ partnership- Aquarius

Sign most helpful for creative projects - Gemini

Best sign to have fun with- Gemini

Best day of the week- Saturday

Home and domestic life
Family members of an Aquarians will find that they fulfill a friendship relationship rather than the conventional family high-power distance relationship. Aquarians are fun loving people and this applies to the relationship they have with their family members too.

Aquarians built a strong trust relatinship with their family. They believe in strong communications within the family and often feel unjust if they are not heard.

Aquarians are very sociable people. They like to have a nice home where they can entertain family and friends. Their house is usually decorated in a modern stlye and full of state-of-the-art appliances and gadgets- an environment aquarians find absolutely necessary.

Friendship
Aquarians built long lasting friendship with people around them. Being very sociable, it means that they make friends easier. for those who first know the aquarian, they might find them over friendly and may misunderstood their intention but as time to come, they will realise that aquarians are simple just very friendly people who can build the bond around people

In party and events, its not surprising to see that aquarians are in the center of attention, never left alone. Because of their kindness and friendliness, people always find it easy to talk to aquarian.

However, despite a huge social circle, aquarians are careful and are well aware of who is their close friend. Only close friends of aquarians will know their secrets. Likewise, aquarians wants to be included in the friendship and feel wanted and trusted. If the feeling of trust is no longer there, or if aquarian feel taken advantage of and not included, he/she will slowly drift away. Aquarian may be willing to sacrcifice alot in the friendship but once he/she feel that they are no longer important in the friendship they will eventually reveal less about themself and eventually the friendship will cease.

Love/relationship

Aquarians are good at friendship but weak when it comes to love. Of course they fall in love but their lovers always get the impression that they are more of a best friend than lovers.

Like capricorn, they are cool customers. They are not prone to displays of passion or to outward demostrations of their affections. In fact they feel very uncomfortable when their mate hugs and touches them too much. This does not mean they do not love their partner. They do, only they show it in other ways.

Curiously enough, in relationship they tend to attract the very things they feel uncomfortable with. They seem to attract hot, passionate, demonstractive and romantic people. In any case, these relationships do seem to work. Aquarius' coolness calming the more passionate partner while fires ofpassion warm the cold-blooded Aquarius.

The qualitiesAquarians need to develop in their love life are warmth, generosity, passion and fun. Aquarians love relationships of the mind. Here they excel. If the intellectual factor is missing in a relationship, an aquarian will soon become bored or feel unfulfilled.

AQUARIUS WOMAN

If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.

Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader , a real confident type.

She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.

She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show him his own confident. She like to guess her man's reaction, but at the same time she likes to has many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dare to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.

Even she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone , she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has "Faith" in the word "Love".

She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves "Freedom" so before and after marriage , her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.

She likes to be the one who is "Right", so if you argue with her , let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say "It's over" be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.

She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan". Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad , be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.

You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let she talk alone, if you do she will leave.

She has many type of jobs because she beliefs what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.

If she mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of "pay Back" time. Most people might think of her as "One of a guy", but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bored you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

i am amazed that you even managed to read till here
so, how many of the points mentioned can you relate to me?

2007-11-23T18:55:00.000+08:00

How many times have you heard of this story?

A loving couple still surviving in a relationship. boy went out and and figure the world is full of other prettier girl. Boy finds a pretty girl. girlfriend found out and demands a break-up. Boy returns few weeks later to say he's absolutely very sorry and wants a patch. By then, it was already too late.

Seriously, how many times must the story repeats itself before human can learn to cherish?

I believe that everyone do something for a reason. So be it what reasons, if you have the guts to do it, you should jolly well know the consequences and dont ever come back regretting. Since what done cannot be undone, the least you can do is to take ownership of the damage done and bear the full responsibility.

" Its not easy for a guy to go out there, find a girl that he likes and return to the girlfriend later asking for forgiveness and for her to take him back, take the trash back"

There is a limit to one patience and tolerance level. She may be silly enough to take you back once, tolerate your nonsence when you come back crying and begging. Afterall, we know just how soft-hearted women are, we tend to forget and forgive, foolish enough to believe that we should give our guy a chance to redeem themself, silly enough to believe that we can change men, stupid enough to believe that he will not do it again and dumb enough to believe that he will return to love her more.

She can take you back once and maybe twice. But thrice? It's either you think you are too charming for your own good or you seriously think she's silly enough to take your shit third time in a row. No amount of goodness and memories will be good enough a reason for her to take you back and tolerate your shit for the THIRD time.

"If he can do it once, he can do it twice"

All of us know this at the back of our hand. But when the reality come crashing down, not many of us will stand cool and still to think logically.

I wont say for sure how i will react if the same situation is thrown straight at my face because i had not been there. maybe i will allow myself to collaspe and might eventually swallow my pride take him back, maybe i will throw the whole trash on him and send him packing. No-one really know their reaction till it really happens.

Like what a friend says " No problem too big or too small to be fixed, no ass too big or too small to be kicked"

But because we heard stories of how disappointing men can be, it should never be the reason to stop us from loving and putting in 100% into the relationship. Afterall the essence of a relationship is love, trust and faith.

Love, trust, faith- they are not equipped with radar devices, sonar devices or lifetime guarantees. They are blind as bat but they are all we have.

2007-11-16T12:11:00.000+08:00

A funny story of a smart boy.
Do you think you are smart enough to answer the question correctly?

First-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3 "
Boy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade." Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy, after a moment "Legs."

Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Boy taking charge. Boy.:Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Boy.: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver
Boy.: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Neelam:What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand. Boy.: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: surname

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?
Boy.: Heart.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,"Send this Boy. to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

Have a nice day :)

2007-11-13T23:32:00.000+08:00

Had a good laugh when i heard rui's story about her classmates. Seriously how can anyone be so...erm, unbelievable.

- its high time you learn to grow up and stop your stupid acts. You think you had fun hurting others but soon you will see that you are only hurting yourself cos she has friends who will stick around but how about you?

And it brings me back to the issue of friends in the class. Is everyone just making use of each other?
Heard some issues from a fellow friend about things brewing in the lecture hall. Its only the first sem and things are turning nasty. Honestly, i dont see the point. Afterall we will be classmates for another 2 years and hurling insults is absolutely not the good way to start off the second sem.

Human being are just so weird because we think we are always right and therefore when someone else comes around and do things differently from us, we start to judge the other party, sometimes in a wrong way that hurt the person unintentionally.

How right is your right?
When someone come and challenge our way, we feel threatened and as a way of self-protection, we became defensive against the other party.

We learnt about different cultures in school, we are taught to be fair and to accept people for their differences but in reality just how many of us are seriously truthfully able to do it?

Maybe that is the reason why people form small groups known as cliques.
Probably we feel safer to be around people whom we can rely on, people who are similar to us, whom we can relate to.

oh well, lets just not think too much.

On a lighter note, my holiday is finally starting to show signs of improvement.
YES, its my holiday- my long awaited holiday and all i ever did was to complain because i am honestly dying of boredom. AND ITS ONLY THE FIRST WEEK.
For the past one week, everyone was busy with school and work so my companion were the TV, my computer and the midnight calls.
I felt so bad that i wished school will start soon- yes i know, its madness. But i was that bored to the extend that i wished i had projects datelines to meet.

Thank god it's improving. This week is half over and the weekend will fly by esp if i return back to Msia and when next week come, it will keep me busy preparing for the trip and when i come back it will be the month of celebrations!

Did i mention that blogging help me to kill time too? Haha, just this entry alone took 2hrs.I bet its only times like this that you will find my blog active :)

you are a damn good sweet talker

2007-11-10T17:03:00.000+08:00

I am bored and that explain the update.

I was talking to one of my fellow friend from SIM and i was randomly complaining that staying at home for the last three days had bored me and i wished i had something to keep me busy and guess what? He suggested i go look for a companion -_- and yes, he meant it in a joking way cause sam will not in her lifetime look for a companion/fling just to kill her boredom.

But anyway, we started this topic on the difference between a fling and a companion and we came to a conclusion that there is not much difference.

They both means :

1) seeking the company of the opposite sex without any involvement of commitment.
2) someone whom you can call when you feel like it and ignore if you dont need them anymore
3) doing lovey dovey couple acts with someone and conveniently delete them away from your memory when you reach home
4) a alternative to your bf/gf when you need a change and some excitement
5) someone to be there when the others are not available.

Their only difference : companion sounds nicer than fling

But then again, seeking a companion is only the short term plan for we know the relationship last shortly until someone better, hotter, sexier, prettier comes around and the whole cycle repeats itself.

And this is supposed to be the norm among people our age.

The norm: look for a pretty companion and settle down with the good one so that you wont have your poor heart broken. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you return safely and dont lose your way home. You can go all out to have your fun with all the pretty people and as long as you are able to keep it as a secret its fine.

And so when i argued that thats because guys are superficial and surface-looking creatures, the counter argument was that the world is full of sluts that needs to be punished -_-
slut : a pretty girl with her hot figure that goes around seeking the attention of other guys regardless whether she's attached or single.

conclusion: sam is just too pure living in her own little perfect world holding on to her unrealistic dream that someday somehow her prince charming will find his way and we will live happily ever after.

Of cause i know its not like that!
but do you have to come and destroy my perfect dream and tell me the hard truth? The world is getting more and more disappointing. *shakes head

Oh well,probably i am just too bored.

2007-10-08T00:42:00.000+08:00

Uni has definately opened up my minds about lots of things.People of different age and mind certainly brings about different perspective and views on alot of things. Some of the things said are really pretty much exaggerated and better left unsaid, but i did gave me a good laugh.

But that doesnt mean i look forward to waking up every single day for lecture/projects. In fact it has became a painful chore to wake up with the responsibilities to turn up in school/meetings. Till now i am still a good girl who has YET to skip lecture (lets just forget the fact that i am almost always late) despite the huge urge to stay in bed. The only thing that motivates me to school is the friends and the gossips and probably chicken rice for lunch.

And thats not how a student should feel when her final year exams is just three weeks away. I can see my exam dates waving frantically at me and i just simply pretends not to see it. Seriously if i dont start studying now i will probably wave good-bye to uni forever.

Lets just digress from uni rants. Someone just reminded me that human beings are just so weird because we will never learn to appreciate the good till we met the bad. And why's that so? because we are so caught up with our own expectations and we fail to notice that someone is just there all along.

*I am sorry to have hurt you the way i did. I was never a good choice for you right from the start but i took it for granted that you will always be a friend when deep down i know it wasnt meant to be.

And if you come back, you'll see that i am almost over you.

2007-09-25T22:49:00.000+08:00

Sam figured that she should really do something about her blog because its really dying soon. some random updates about her really boring, stagnant life---

- 881 today with wend and cailing was okay, the company was great but the movie was not.
- I am too easily amused by the random things people said
ie: wend was disappointed with her wallet cos it got lost even though she claims she is a good owner
- Singapore is really small- at least its small enough for me to be able to meet jess at dover mrt station on her first day of school
- I am currently into yo-yo-yo classes
- Happy 19th bithday Jeah!!
- Ever wondered if you can tolerate extreme lateness? Try meeting someone who is always late for 2 hrs without fail---and i thought i was supposed to be the late queen.
- I have pigs and dogs as friends--thank goodness wend i are normal enough
- My boss will kill me soon if i push off any project meetings again
- Why must disgusting ex-bf do stupid things?
- You know its pointless trying to siam me, its not as if i would want to acknowledge you anyway
- I should seriously stop telling everything to Julia Tan because she knows me more than i know myself already!
- k-box anyone?
- I seriously grew fatter after continuos eating late
- actually the purpose of today's update was for me to waste time till its 12

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEND!
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY SING YI!

2007-09-14T18:35:00.000+08:00

Life had been so hectic with projects and tests so much so that i cant find the time to meet my darling friends and jiemeis. Its like finally i am done with two projects and the test so its time to take a short break and allow time for myself to BREATHE.

My busy lifestlye with resume again on sunday when we work our ass off on the remaining 4 projects and the final years. I hope am still sane after that. Thank goodness i have wendy leong with me if not i would have just cried and died.
But of cos, in between projects and exams i still want my clovers and jiemeis and all the fun,laughter,peace and joy.

I think its high time i take time management course. Dear friends please understand that there is only one me and i cant split myself up into three pieces and be in three different places at the same time. Clovers will still be my dearest clovers forever. All my jiemeis will still be my loveliest jiemeis forever. Although we may not meet up that often anymore i still love all of you to bit and pieces and you girls will never be replaced.

and oh yes, i uploaded the pictures. Like finally.

2007-08-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

PLEASE IGNORE THIS if you have no idea or have no wish to know what a whole load of shite i am facing. Thank you

P.S The same old pleasant sam will return about her rants. -SMILES-

You know its highly amusing how some people are just so ignorant to the fact that they are highly irritating. so WOW, you experienced two years of uni life and so you know how to do a project properly and so all of us are just plain idiots who knows nothing. And WOW, sim is just not what uni life is all about because damn it we dont have a proper campus-meaning no big field, no big hall, no big canteens and super small lecture room. And WOW, we are just ALL dumb naive people who will regret someday when everyone we know come and 'eat' us up.

So fine, since you are such a genious we can all stay at home while you finish the prize-winning project and claim all the credits. Do you realised that all of us are actually making an effort to turn up 4 hours in school before lecture starts and staying back till 10pm at the very same day. Its not as if we are some evil people who dont want to contribute so will you just shut up for one damn minute to hear us out. You obviously forgot that we appointed you as leader to LEAD us not to shut all of us up and act like some introvert(which you claims you are but obviously you dont know the defination of introvert) who thinks that OH i can do a better job if its a individual work.

And i am sorry but i am very inflexible in my work and that all my friends are actually liars who will try all means to stop us from doing well in the project and OH YES,WE HAVE A LOT TO LEARN WHEN IT COMES TO DOING PROJECT. So whatever we says we need to prove it and WE ARE JUST A GROUP OF VERY NAIVE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THAT FRIENDS WILL NOT HARM US. because "if i know someone is naive i will not hestitate to take advantage of them, its just the way the world is, naive people just simply have to wake up-even friends are not exceptional, we just take whatever good out of each other and thats it."
SO WOW, i have to rob and take full advantage of my friends too. THERES IS NO REAL FRIENDSHIP you know. everyone is just eating out each other.
So people out there
my clovers
my secondary jiemeis
my jc buddies
my new found uni friends
BEWARE, i will rob all of you of whatever advantages that i can gain from you and THATS IT.

HELLO, have you heard of the word FAITH. If not have you ever come across the idea of having confidence in your friends adn if not how about simply FRIENDS? i bet you dont and i am sorry but you lead a very sad life and in fact wasted the last 24 years of you life. If thats the way you have been treating people, if thats your ideology of making friends then its no wonder we cant work well because for one, I happen to have wonderful friends whom i am sure will not take whatever advantages out of me and drop me cold. And secondly i understand the meaning of FAITH in friendship.

So being the naive me, i just take words as it is and cant be bothered to notice any sarcasm in your words because I AM JUST NAIVE.
so when all of us are making plans to cancel whatever we have so as to stay back to finish up the project and you said 'okay la, whoever needs to go off , it doesnt matter, just go." in a totally sweet tone i took your words for it and walked out. you cant blame for being naive, can you?

Awww, i bet i aint that sweet-tempered and submissive girl whom you once thought i was huh. *BEAMS*

2007-08-17T16:09:00.000+08:00

i was talking to one of my yj friends and it made me realised how much i missed those days!

Back then, things werent so complicated and all we did was to laugh-out-loud in the middle of nowhere and shut up when we realised what great embarrassment we are, only to crack into another fit of laughter again in 3 minutes. Waking up at 530am and travelling 1.5 hours to school was enjoyable because i was looking forward to it. Honesty, i learnt nothing during the first three months, we were too busy skipping lectures and was cropped up with playing silly games in those pathetic small classrooms and probably spending the rest of our time pigging out in the canteen.

But i guess the greatest memories lies in those little notes that were passed around the class. I was looking at it just few minutes ago and man it was so heart-warming. Hais, now with everyone busy and the guys in NS it will be so difficult for us to meet. No wonder they say memories are most beautiful.

Back to the reality, i currently have 4 projects to be done within 3 months and a very aggressive group leader whom i forsee will be very irritating in the near future. Despite the busy schedule, i hope i will still be able to enjoy life and remain positive. yes, i should. HAHA. Stop talking to yourself sam. You people stop being busy and come date me out soon. HAH

2007-08-08T18:12:00.000+08:00

I think my students are so cute. I am going to miss them when their exams are over because then they dont need me anymore!

I just realised that there are people out there who reads my blog haha. One of those anonymous people is ding zhi!
Happy Birthday Ding Zhi!
and no, i wont be late when we meet.
And stop stalking me. HAH

I think the guys in uni are very erm... perverted. Haha. Their world only revolves around looking at HOT girls during lectures. Then again they are so funny and thats why i couldnt stop laughing during lunch today when one of my group member was telling us how desperate some girls are in trying to attract the guys. haha. Damn, they are putting the girls down but they are irresistable funny.

I think i kinda got sick of school food.

After reading Julia's blog, i figured my next relationship shall not last too long lest he cheat on me cos then i will need another 3 years to get over the break-up. Hah. Craps.
Anyway Julia, you shall not be sad anymore because i am so cute and you are so cute so why should we be sad over some bastard jerks who is not even worth it? Make sense? YES. haha

If i dont get off the computer NOW, i will be late and Julia Tan will kill me. So, bye.

2007-08-04T18:46:00.000+08:00

I feel like the biggest fool. How could i only realised it now?
All along i am only thinking myself and pushing all the blame to the other party. Now once did i stand in your shoes to think about your feelings. Of course you did have your reasons and stupid me only realises it now. How could i be so blind as to actually believe that you are only a big jerk? Why didnt i even seek to find an answer instead of making assumptions?

she cried and cursed him for being a jerk, a total disappointment in her life. She regretted the decision that she once made but yet at the same time still smile at all the fond memories.

I finally understood the things that i dont understand. I want to pick up my phone, type your number and text a msg to you but what could i say? It seems like each and every day that past, we have grown further. i cant help it but think of all the possibilities say-- Can we ignore all the possible obstacles and the growing distance? Can love like everyone says, overcome everything?

Everyone say she's better off without him. Afterall what happiness did he manage to give her in their relationship? Look at her now! she is so much happier and enjoying her freedom! It beats having to stay with that jerk who knows nothing at all. she is worth better. There are many others who will come by and give her the happiness that she well-deserved.

I am so....disappointed? why did i realise it only after so long? It should have occured to me that there must be a valid reason to why things turn out this way. Why didnt i put myself in the shoes of others? I feel so disgusted at the way i handled it.

Once, she thought of turning back. But of cos its easier said than done. How she wish it was like pressing the re-wind button on the remote control and everything turns back to the beginning. On the second thought, why would he want to turn back when there are many others who is so much better? Then she came to a conclusion that she will never ever wants him back anymore- afterall why bother? He is not even worth it. Now, she goes around k-poing his life when she knows she should stop. She is living in self-denial that its just a dumb process that ever stops. Who is she trying to fool? Its just her and many other silly girls who just cant snap out of their silly action.

One more day, just one more day. Its better now that we are like strangers, we are afterall worlds apart now.

2007-08-01T19:15:00.000+08:00

我怀念的

我问为什么
那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么
不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我
不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你
已不想挽回什么

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折假装了解是怕
真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌

记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁记得
谁忘了

谁忘了我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动求我原谅抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌
最美的烟火
最长的相拥

谁爱得太自由
谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走
谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重
谁忘了要给你温柔

我放手
我让座假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了
所以我
没有哭
没有说

The tears flow not because of anger or disappointment. Its because i miss you and the times when we talked about the future and all the possibilities that is never ever going to happen.

I miss you and the times when you said you love me.
Now.... those promises that once belonged to me was given to another girl.

2007-07-23T11:01:00.000+08:00

I am seriously NOT buying the green shoes that i have been eyeing since forever. I swear.

Just yesterday, my mum was omplaining that the ladies/girls in our house simply own too much shoes, leading to a situation where the three shoe rack/cupboards in our house having to announce full house.

We were so amazed and so we went to count the amount of shoes each of us have and I almost died.

My mum - 15 pairs of heels
my aunt - 18 pairs of heels, all of which not less than two inches.
and you know whats the best part of it all?
My TWELVE years old cousin own 8 pairs of SLIPPERS, and adding her other shoes (sport shoes and others) she have a grand total of 12 pairs of shoes. I was making a big fuss out of it yesterday. And she is only twelve!

And as for me, HAH. You wont want to know. I figured i have enough shoes to last me for at least two weeks even if i change pair every day. But hey i wasn't the champion for yesterday competition to see who own the most shoes.

So, in conclusion, no more green shoes for sam!

2007-07-20T12:56:00.000+08:00

Now i know why i shop so much-because my mum is worse. So everyone out there shall stop complaining i am a bad influence cos i shop too much since you cant blame me for what's in my genes.

Anyway,the other day when Julia nd Kahyee came over to my house, we looked through our secondary year books and one sentence that kept surfacing up in our conversation was : OMG SAM YOU LOOKED SO YOUNG
Alright, i get the point, i became older. So my aim now is to look younger. Since i cant get anywhere near the idea of looking thin, i shall settle for looking young.

school will start in about a week time and that means i will stary to be busy again which is good because it feels kind of sick when there is nothing for you look forward to each day. Oh wells, maybe i will not look forward to school that much but it beats staying at home with nothing to do.

Have you ever wonder why it is possible for that person who seems totally unrelated to you now to be able to turn your world upsize down with something as simple as a msg or a email? okay,i think i said too much. Bye

2007-06-28T22:29:00.000+08:00

I DONT UNDERSTAND

Why cant you leave me alone and let me make the decision for once.
Its my life and its freaking 3 years which i have to go through not you

Stop telling me i can make the decision when in the end i have to do what you want me to do
Stop telling me what you think i want
Stop telling me what to do about everything in my life

I am sorry but you cant control my whole life.

2007-06-22T10:07:00.000+08:00

Now i remembererd why guys are so disgusting.

[I want to beat him to death, I want to throw hot, scalding water all over his face and burn him up, I want to rush to his door with a parang in my hands and chop him up into tiny pieces. I want to do anything so that I can wake him up from his bloody stupor and to make him realize that his world does not consist of him, but of yet another person whom he stupidly let go off.

And all of a sudden, the world that I thought that has been so smooth-sailing suddenly crashed down.Everything that was pretty all turned ugly. Every smile looks fake, every laughter sounds like tears dropping, everything in this beautiful world just turned dull. It is so impactful, so depressing, so emotional, so pain.

I'm not the one who is supposed to be suffering in misery but I really can't help it.]

If you do remembered, I am going through the same thing you went through just 1 year ago. So believe me when i say that all will turn out okay at then end of the day cos for me i realised that relationship is not the most important thing in my life. You have a long journey ahead of you darling but be strong cos we are always just a safe distance away from you if you ever need to turn back to seek support and assurance.

you are stronger than what you seems and you know we will always be there when it gets too difficult.

2007-05-08T23:45:00.000+08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

2007-04-15T22:44:00.000+08:00

whatever.I dont really care anymore

Friends or acquaintance?
Does it still matters?

So what if you are nice? So what if you are always trying to go along with any decision made before hand. So what if you are always careful not to say hurtful words? So what if you feel hurt at times but still kept quiet?
IT DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL.
because at the end of the day, you will finally realised that people take you for granted with or without them knowing. And when you finally accept this reality, you will then realise how horrible it feels. You feel unappreaciated and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it beside sending a straight 10 sms to your bestfriend whom you think will understand and blogging an angry entry about it.

whatever okay. I dont give a damn about it anymore.

2007-04-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

Jolin concert last sat was quite eventful. It started with me being retarded and we ended up in the stadium 1.5 hours earlier. Then julia tan make me swear not to reveal her retardedness in the expense of our friendship. I think the highlight of the concert was this die-hard fan that sat near us. Besides the stunts and surprises that the concert promised, i think we spent like 40% of the time observing her and laughing at her. Okay we are so mean, sue us.

Ns robbed me of all my nice guy friends! In a week time they will all be gone! So now all of us can actually learn the importance of humour in our usually dull life. But that will probably have to wait till two weeks after we rested our pitiful soul that suffered years of tortures. Just like what rui said to anne:"i like you as a friend but sometimes you are irritating" I am not saying you guys are irritating okay, its just a quote. HAHA. really, you guys are irritating in a nice little way. LOL

And oh yes, i am really going to cut my hair. Get it straightened before i snip off like 50% of it. Don worry, its still going to be long. Its just a change of style. I need a change in my boring life.

Rui will be starting her school soon. seeing her getting all excited about school makes me happy too. When was the last time when we were really looking forward to school? I hope i have a chance to be like her, getting high on school and indulge in happy preparations for it. I had a feeling that all of us will learn to be more appreciative of school and teachers after working especially more so in our case after working as a teacher.

See, its an effort to keep my blog alive. Haha

2007-04-06T01:22:00.000+08:00

its nice to catch some inspirational movies once in a while instead of the usual comedies, love story or haunted scary (which i obviously wont be caught dead watching) movies.

Freedom of writers with wileen this afternoon had proven itself to be a good choice. For those out there who didnt had a chance to catch it, pls skip this entry lest i spoilt the show for you. If you are comtemplating whether to watch it, i would say go ahead and catch this really amazing movie.

After this movie it suddenly became so clear to me that whatever big problems that we THINK we have seems to be so insignificant instantly. Be it the issue of weight, friendship or difficult relationship and others endless problems that we make a big fuss, all these seems so small compared to the REAL issues out there, out in the real world.
The world suddenly became a much better place with us safe here free of issues that have been around since forever. We heard so much of them but never did experience any and i guess thats why they seems so unreal and so distance to us but yet these problems still exist and affecting the lifes of many others. Negatively.

I would say that you will probably be more appreciative for the people around you. Things that I took for granted in the past, be it my family members or friends--these people who stood by and took in dose of my endless rants and at times my stupid stubborness that got the better of me, i can never thank them enough. And so, this is a small but important section where i get to say a sincere thank you to those who matters.

ok, so they might not be there 24/7 to hear my groans and share my laughter and neither did they did big things or make big sacrifices.
They were simply-there. They said all the right things at the right time :
My family, the people who have to face me most of the time and had to tolerate stupid things that i did for the last 20 years,picking up the pieces i left behind and will have to tolerate me for another more 20 years down the road. The gift of my life starts here.
Jacy, the one who spelled out my pitfalls in this world and set her record to make things right. The comfort of knowing you are here is enough. Thanks for being a friend, a soulmate.
Clovers, the people who share the oldest joke and secrets with me. Going obstacles and proudly standing strong in our friendship and as sisters marching forward together, a strong belief is actually all that really matters.
Theresians, a group of silly people doing silly stuff that make life beautiful. They listen and are not quick to judge and i really really appreciate that. we travelled together through difficult times and together we built a beautiful building of our own known as trust.
My retarded clique, though really retarded at times and always getting on people nerves, they are really just ordinary people who maybe have a little more humour genes than others. Few understood their down-to-earth humour and advice that I so value.

life is beautiful because it has you :) yes, all of you.

2007-03-21T22:45:00.000+08:00

okay, promise not to laugh when you read this entry. seriously.

I officially became the greatest joke today.
This morning, i went Tiong bahru market with mummy for breakfast/lunch and when we arrived we saw some mediacorp people fiming a variety show i suppose. Anyway, its that guy who acted in "yummy yummy" and whole lots of food variety show. So anyway he and his partner where talking super loudly to some aunties and so it was not difficult to grab attention.
I was minding my own business and thinking about my diet and wondering whether i should have fish or pork porridge when these two guys came over and the whole tradegy began.

Seriously, i was trapped with no where to go and my wonderful mother happily left me there and i was forced to be interviewed by them,. I tell you, thats the greatest embarrassement i had in my 20 years of life. Apparently they are filming for a variety show and wanted to persuade me to join in a game. I spent a whole10 minutes in front of the camera insisting no.

So friends, all of you better pray hard they delete that part of your own benefit. Cos if not you will most probably see my swollen-rounder-than-the-moon face on tv and all of you will probaly suffer eye sore as a result or if not you will probably die laughing while i go bang the walls or something.

All of you promised not to laugh!
I totally suceed in making a complete fool of myself today.

2007-03-19T11:53:00.000+08:00

you know when theres a friendship issue its get highly complicated.

one of my resolution is to be more vocal, as in expresss how i feel but i realised that is the most difficult thing to do. Maybe to others its as simple as that but for some reason or another words of feelings are never easy for me.
Hurtful words coming from the mouth of others may not be intentioned but then again the only reason why it hurts so much is because its not said on purpose.

Friends are easy to find but they dont stay for long. Ironically, its those "true" friends that upset you. Maybe humans being are just selfish and dont understand that one is already enough. Maybe its just the way that each of us are destined to have only one single bestfriend and soulmate that truly understands you and stay with you for life, but because we are simply too greedy, we wanted more and so eventually we end up with a group of "bestfriends". Bestfriend is originally used to describe one single person that is closest to you, understand and know you like a book. So when theres more than one involved in the use of 'bestfriend' it tumbled and fell.

When it gets crowded in the friendship, when you feel that you are suffocating and even left out and drifted apart all we need is a helping hand to pull us back to the warmth and laughter that we once shared. When it all feels different, a smile of reassurance can give you a sense of importance. I guess it all boils down to the fact that we need to feel appreciated and needed.

on a lighter note to end, thanks to the retards and their never ending jokes and games. you people never fails to do wonders and of cos not forgetting jacy who's miles away.
Long awaited date with julia and ky tmr :)

2007-03-15T20:20:00.000+08:00

yay, i like my new blogskin.

JULIA! yay, your one resolution for this year is nearing, HAHA. Audition really brings lots of interesting stories even though my passion for it now is like zero.

i need to find some interesting ideas to put a stop to my dead-boring entries. I need a life basically.

2007-03-14T13:14:00.000+08:00

okay i realised i should do something about my blog
i am just simple lazy to blog about my life.
or rather, my life is currently too boring and i dont see a need to bored all my readers.

basically my life revolves tuition, Tuition and more TUITION. I seriously need a break to get life. what happened to my shopping, Shopping and more SHOPPING? someone please hurry date me out.

its very sickening to learn that its extremely difficult to meet friends once work start cos timing all seems to clash. Now i wished we were all students.

haha, i have nothing else to say. omg, this must be the most boring entry i have put up.

2007-01-30T12:59:00.000+08:00

so all my friends out there, please kill me if i indulge myself in shopping again.
you can just slap me, drag me out of the shop or juat do about anything as long as i STOP SHOPPING
thats what friends are for.
so this shall be the test for the friendship we have. lols

2007-01-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

Started off being a tutor and i tell you, i will jump at any opportunities to be a student again. I mean it, even if i have to take test every single day.

Its a bit strange with the change of positions, as in me being the teacher when less than 3 months ago, i was still a student myself at the mercy of the teachers. Every lesson is a new challenge as i pray hard that my students will take pity on me and stop asking weird and un-answerable questions like why the sun is hot (because its been like that since day one? ) and why do we use the letter x in algebra more often than the other 25 letters (who cares anyway as long as you can get the answer) and why February has only 28 days (now, can anyone answer THAT)

of cos, it does not take much observation skills to note that my students are constantly checking the time and counting down to the end of every lesson (will be great if they put the counting skills in their maths) and of cos they will never guess that their teacher-me is also counting down every minute that pass.
and its hilarous to see their reactions when i refuse to move when the time is up. They are probably too busy cursing and swearing at me to understand the points i am trying to put across.

And then theres the issue of HOMEWORK. So far i am being the nice teacher who give little homework (bearing in mind that i was once tortured badly by it). Kids nowadays really, when theres homework you can hear all kind of stories. Not the pet eating/tearing them up. Better still, they simply do HW in tuition because-- i forgot you gave them the last lesson/i have too much school hw/i need you to teach me cos i dont know/i can do it fast so give me 10 minutes in tuition to complete it. WOW. and they are smart cos they know tuition teacher can complain to their parents so they will plead you until you finally agrees to give them one last chance.

Older students are easier to teach only because they give you the due attention knowing well enough that they are throwing lots of money in for every session and so generally they try to squeeze you dry with all the BIG questions and some of which i will stare,stone and be very amazed at the question they asked.

See, by now you should realise that my life revoles around tuition and i seriously am lack of a life. i need SHOPPING, i need AUDITION and most importantly i need my FRIENDS. I am so going to squeeze whatever remaining time i have for my friends.

note to oneself : should i ever becomes a mum, i will definately be very understanding towards the tutor of my child.
note to others: being a tutor is highly harzard. Think twice(maybe thrice to be on the safe side)

Disclaimer: The above entry is copy-righted and is based truly on the experience of ONE single tutor and is solely used for entertainment only. Should be any disagreements, then its just too bad

2007-01-21T16:45:00.000+08:00

I've gotta smile like nothing's wrong,
talk like everything's perfect,
act like it's all a dream,
laugh like nothing's bothering me
and walk away pretending it's not hurting me.

thats how i feel last time and sad to say, i still feel exactly the same this time round
well, i guess its for the last time.
end of story

2007-01-17T11:23:00.000+08:00

10 reasons why i miss cj
- Mr T !
-Ms yoong and her constant chase for maths consultation
-chem lecture with Mrs sandra Tan going "JULIA"
-my wonderful friends in t35
-Western eggs!
-having breaks with julia
-GRAND STAND TORTURE
-my netballers
-i got my first detention for not bringing my tie
-the old tomyam fish!

9 things you just have to know about me
-i can laugh quite loudly
-i am a typical aquarius
-i am the oldest and the youngest in my family
-i can get quite stubborn at times
-i am scared of those tiny little creatures
-i have a face almost as round as the moon
-i have very sensitive skin
-i hate sausages
-i think rainbows are amazing

8 random things i have to say
-i started learning my driving basic theory
-i like the 3 bear song
-BALLOONS
-my tuition student is getting naughtier by the days
-i am level 11 in audition!
-i know 14th Jan is a bad day
-2007 has not been great so far
-i dont want 20th jan to come either

7 quotes worth learning
- sucess isnt final, failure isnt fatal
-the only constant in life is changes
-luck favours the prepared
-opportunities does wait for you to hestitate too long
-its mind over matters
-pain is inevitable but suffering is optional
-a man is but a product of his thoughts; what he thinks; what he becomes

6 things i learnt
-the story of life
-the story behind our ten fingers
-theres no right or wrong in a relationship just the fact that who's not treasuring
-some things changes but look around you and you will realise that all others remain unchanged
-indeed, family and friend stay forever
-if life is up-side down, take it in your hands to turn it upright again

5 things i have to do
-diet!
-shopping please
-be happier
-sort out the mess in my life
-making sure i do the above

4 things i am trying to learn
-be more aggressive
-to express my thoughts and feelings
-trying to understand myself, what i want and what i need
-building up new trust to new people around me

3 things i believe
-its tiring to hate someone
-its best to give love and to be loved
-an honest voice speaks louder than a crowd

2 groups of people i need for survival
- my family!
-close friends (clovers, jacy and theresians!)

1 thing people always tell me
-its easy to guess you

i am slowly walking out of the nights when you creep back to my life, when no-one's watching.

2007-01-16T13:41:00.000+08:00

sharing with you a meaningful story

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand
and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
and poured the entire contents into the jar,
effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
"I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things.
Your family, your children, your faith, your health, your friends, and your favourite passions.
Things that if everything else was lost
and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter.
Your job, your house, and your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued,
"there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand
and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
"I'm glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

the sky seems to be crying too