Monday, October 20, 2008 @11:49 PM
Today i decided that it's time for me to finally post a new entry here. Considering the fact that so much have happened plus the laziness and unwillingness to post many of the things that happened, i have decided that the best details i can give is just a summary.
* I am glad she doesn't have to suffer anymore, not the relapse and not the pain but in any case, it was quite a shocker when everything happened so suddenly. It's like one moment she's here standing and having her birthday dinner with all of us then the next she's off somewhere far away where none of us can ever reach her. But nevertheless, i know it's the easy way out for her.
* I have learnt that it's not about how you ended your life, it's about how you lived your life, for that is what people truly remembers about you.
* Pretending that nothing has happened is really not the easy way out. so why do you have to re-appear at such a timing when everything is bound to be wrong?
* So, nobody can ever hate a person forever. It just takes a simpe gesture, a hug or even just a look to make you forget all that went wrong in the past and the next moment you will start questioning yourself what it is all about in the past that triggers such a strong emotions you had.
* Only a little and it's enough to remember - all the things you thought you had forgotten but were never forgotten, all the hopes that can still be found. Because everytime i remembered part of it, i will kick myself real hard to make sure it hurts exactly the way it should so i wont think about it anymore. I don't understand why something that made me so happy then feels so sad now. Maybe that is the way with memories.
*Sometimes i wished so hard that i can kick that person out of your life.
* It has been much or less confirmed that i will be sitting for my two papers somewhere in nov 18. That will means yet another month to complete freedom.
* Have you ever look at that person who happens to play an important role in your life for the past years and suddenly thought to yourself : i dont know who he/she is anymore. I practically know nothing about that person is anymore. The two of you may be just sitting right opposite each other staring into each other face but the other person just simply stop telling you stuff anymore. And it hurts more that i thought.
* You know, i think i should seriously stop being so naive.
* I am gonna shut up about my life and learn to deal with it alone.