Tuesday, July 08, 2008 @11:21 PM
There's an uncomfortable feeling stuck within me and I hope by channeling this to my blog I will feel much better.
There was a time not very long ago when we used to laugh at all retarded things no matter how small or big. Now, we hardly ever laugh together anymore. It has been such a long time since we shared an inside joke, so very long.
Once, not very long ago we used to talk almost every single day. Those long msgs and random calls to each other sharing everything, every event no matter whether it’s sad or happy- it feels so distant and seems like a long forgotten past now. Now, we hardly even msg, we hardly know what’s happening to each other life.
Just not very long ago, we don't need a reason for every meet up; we simply enjoy each other company. Now, it's so hard for us to be out without a special reason. It seems that there must be a reason for every meet-up. It feels so sad just having me to type it out.
Somewhere in the past, silent is so rare between us and when it does happen that's because the one of us is in deep though about something and usually the other party will know what’s on her mind. Silent was so comfortable. Somehow, the awkward silent seems to find its way between us, pushing us to desperately something to fill in the empty spaces.
If someone were to ask me about you now, they probably think we dont know each other, they might just mistook us as strangers now. It's just the same the other way round.
I need to admit that I am really uneasy with this feeling that I have. It's like losing something that is so special and unique. You know you can’t bear to let go of it but at the same time you are lost trying to hold on to it. It's a terrible feeling and I hate it. I desperately want to do something about it, something to make things better, and something to stop it from becoming worse. But how am I supposed to let you know that nothing has change, not now and not forever?
I know I gotta find a way to let you know this, to tell you that nothing in this world is worthy enough for me to compromise you.
From the day I first have this feeling, I should have known that something has gone terribly wrong with us. I should have done something about it when it's just the beginning; it was my fault to think that it's just a phrase and that we will eventually find a way out. I should have told you long ago that nobody is important enough for me to replace you. I should have been more alert to feel that something is pulling us apart as each day pass.
I just feel so distant from you now and it's just like.........I lost my dearest old friend.
Dear _________,
I miss you terribly.
I miss my dearest friend and soul mate. Dear friend please come back.And i aint going to cry, cos crying means everything is over, crying means nothing can be changed and i am not going to believe that.